The Final Weeks

(best read while accompanied by A Taste For Faith, the new mix by thePAsystem)

Sunday

I don’t want to think. I just want to write. Despite a Vancouver weekend full of rain we all managed to have a fun and busy weekend. I had some great time with Ben as well as a fabulous evening watching him play with his best friend Liam, who is only five days older. Robert Doisneau moments like The Kiss at the bus top with my love. Still, I realize I have a hard time not thinking and editing while writing and still underneath it all, compelled to deliver something raw and from the hip. Something lacking all theory and…I digress, and realize once again, I am somehow apologizing for trying to call myself a writer. And for that matter, calling myself anything at all unless someone else has accredited myself as so.


Meanwhile, my hands lay to rest naturally spread atop the keyboard, breathing, patiently waiting the next stream of consciousness to be painted upon this white canvas. They seem to take much longer than usual, full of unrepentant dialectic energy that has an unforgiving edit rate.

Finally, I succumb to dis-visualiation of the keyboard and full out…ok, let’s try it…astral projection diatribe.

Outside it still rains and inside the angels sleep while I play with words. An attempt to release and connect, share and help, help each other find and enjoy their own silence.

11:11 p.m.

Or

12:11, 12:12 p.m.

Outside the lines, splashing outside the tub. Jumping higher and swimming deeper. Dreams and ambitions, why are you doing anything? Calling, a sign or a force. What you believe and give energy to and somehow others may also give energy towards.

Friday

Two more days left to fill the week, and what a week it was. On Tuesday Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of America, not the United States of America, as they haven’t been united for many years. No, it’s the new America that you’ll hear more mention of in the coming weeks. The new old you may say. Who bloody knows and who really cares anymore. So enough of that, I’m not sure how much I want to write or discuss politics out here in the cyber-trap that I so enjoy anyway.


No, tonight it may just be about music this time around. Sitting down with a fresh Brooklyn Lager and starting off with some tracks featured on the winniecooper website that Sammy put me on to. Sammy was one of the first people I could talk about music all day long with when I first moved out to the west coast. He’s definitely part of the Track Pack, a small group of music junkies that I love sharing all kinds of music with. The Shea Bros, Jas, Carty, Pablo, Potvin and many others who I haven’t been in touch with for awhile. Ah, for the love of music.

Next Friday

The creative stroke has found its way through the November rain as we come closer to bidding adieu to 2008. Although it is the creative flow that truly inspires me it is not what pays the bills.

I produce commercials and I don’t even have cable, in fact, our offices don’t even have cable either. By day I am a television commercial producer helping clients get their vision for their products or services on the old fashioned and out dated television tube. I never set out to get into this business but the company and the position allows me to facilitate my creative side and for that I’m thankful. I don’t watch any television program regularly and when I’m in the mood for a fix I’ll download an episode of Survivorman, Entourage or Boston Legal but for the most part I watch more films and documentaries.

As I pick this piece of paper up again and continue writing I realize this will probably be the last entry for 2008. It has already been over a week in writing and time is passing by quickly as we enter December. The music of The Last Shadow Puppets plays to a room of two at the moment. The song Black Plant gathers speed half way through after leading you on this secret agent vibe – what a track. So, I’ll include here my favourite albums and most played tracks too. Thinking ahead, I should just publish this the same time I finish my last music mix too. Perfect. So I’m back where I started listening and writing about music. Pfft.

Monday

I really have no idea where this observation is going. Right now it seems to be a hodgepodge of thoughts over the last couple of weeks. What stands out for me in these last months of 2008? Hmmm….that is a loaded question and how much of the answer do I really want to reveal here? How much do I want to share with you? Isn’t that what writing is – sharing the written word whether it be fictional or based loosely on reality? I know that even today the written word is up for debate as conventional and established writers scoff at the minions hording on to the internet and logging themselves in as the latest blogging sensations.

I guess that has been my personal dilemma since having a child. My thoughts and observations in some respect seem almost a moot point in relation to the parenting of my child. These are such uncertain times and this heavy heart weighs in on this Monday like every Monday, what are we doing here? Why are we working away like slaves in a world system that is not fair and simply not working for everyone. A general strike is too far fetched I suspect. I guess this is the part of me that connects and relates to all my brothers and sisters worldwide that are without clean water, food and a safe home. I relate not because I fear it but because I see it already happening here in my own native land. So one part of me plans away the future with complete awareness of what is going on while the other half of me holds on to the optimism and positivism that brought me this far.

Thursday


First there was the Coalition of the Willing now in Canada there is simply the Coalition. The three headed, no two headed – three way speaking Coalition of the Leaderless. While many of us were excited at the possibility of overthrowing the ultra conservative and secretive Tory party out of power, the front page of today’s paper reveals a different story. “Truly scared” Canadians blame all parties but would give Tories a majority – in the event of an election. Seriously? I guess our politics have finally reached the same ridiculous level as that of our southern cousins. I’m starting to really question whom this majority of Canadians really are and what do they care about. If there is another bloody election I have the perfect campaign song and platform for the ball-less Tory party – “My Mistakes Were Made For You,” by the Last of The Shadow Puppets.

Friday after next Friday

We are all connected. Last night I watched a documentary called Everything’s Cool about the global warming debate. It concentrated on how the great chasm was created between the thousands of scientist reports about global warming and the critics fighting against it, most of them hired by the oil companies. I no longer felt lonely after listening to Ross Gelbspan, a Pulitzer Prize winning writer and journalist, who was one of the first to begin writing about the problem. But after nearly twenty years Ross was quitting the fight. He had been published everywhere for years and while he saw the issue go from a number one priority to a discredited priority and back again he was still losing hope. By the end of the film he does come around and begins to share his evidence with high school students and is again invigorated with the dream. I felt his urgency and his sadness.

From the uncertainty of the invisible hand ruling this world to the regular bouts of artist regression via the lonely creative road, I too have fought with the lack of hope. I have hope in the citizenry as I witness the personal change in so many of us over the last ten years and the relentless and life altering love and guidance our son receives from his amazing mother in these unforgiving times. Creatively I am filled with hope again and a rejuvenated flow as I am inspired by my peers like the writings of Sara Bynoe, the musical excursions of Teflon Buddha and the imagery of Steve Carty. It is a struggle but one that I am coming closer to fully accepting and embracing so that it will continue to fuel my passion for life.

I am very thankful for this past year. I am thankful for my health in this cancerous world. I am thankful for my city of Vancouver and our home in a world where millions are homeless. I am thankful for the friends and family who do visit or call instead of considering a poke on Facebook as friendship. I am thankful for my parents who lead with love and who brought me into existence instead of being locked with fear. I am thankful for the love of my life and the child our love created. I am thankful for mother nature who continues to give us life despite our attempts to kill her. I am thankful to be alive today. I am thankful to be in a state of thankfulness. I thank you for taking the time to read Chico’s Observations. Lead with love. Peace.



Most Played Albums in 2008

1. Flying Lotus - Los Angeles
2. David Holmes - Holy Pictures
3. The Fratellis - Here We Stand
4. Islands - Arm’s Way
5. The Kooks - Konk
6. Portugal The Man - Censored Colors
7. Cut Copy - In Ghost Colours
8. Vampires Weekend - Vampires Weekend
9. Of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping
10. Atmosphere - When Life Gives You Lemons You Paint That Shit Gold
11. David Arnold - James Bond:Quantum of Solace Soundtrack
12. Scott Weiland - Happy in Galoshes
13. Rodrigo Y Gabriela - Rodrigo Y Gabriela
14. Cold War Kids - Loyalty to Loyalty
15. The Last Shadow Puppets - The Age of Understatement
16. John Legend - Evolver
17. Grand Analog - Calligraffiti
18. The Raveonettes - Lust Lust Lust
19. The Black Keys - Attack and Release
20. Shad - The Old Prince

Most Played Tracks in 2008

1. Rays - La Mode
2. Shake It - Metro Station
3. Shiller - Ratatat
4. Always Where I need to be - The Kooks
5. Time To Pretend - MGMT
6. Stairway to Heaven - Rodrigo Y Gabriela
7. Till I Walk Alone - Grand Analog
8. Poker Face - Lady Gaga
9. Beach in Hawaii - Ziggy Marley
10. Troublemaker- Weezer

Cha-Ching!

On my never ending journey to find the truth there have been many storytellers who shared their stories through short films, documentaries or presentations. When the film Zeitgeist came out I found it to be a great summary of many of the truths and a complimentary source to another great documentary -
The Esoteric Agenda.

So, with the current economic situation deterioriating I watched a couple of films about money this weekend. The first one is a animated narrative called Money as Debt and the second film was part II of Zeitgeist, the Addendum, which goes deep into the financial systems of America as we know it.

So do many of us already know and believe that our current systems are ineffective and crumbling but we still want to move forward anyways along with it? Or are many of us getting ready to finally shut it all off and start new again? I'm sure there are some of us that truly believe this is only an America problem.

Here are some of the suggestions mentioned in the film. Thoughts? Discussion?

zeitgeist |ˈtsītˌgīst; ˈzīt-|noun [in sing. ]

the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time : the story captured the zeitgeist of the late 1960s.
ORIGIN mid 19th cent.: from German Zeitgeist, from Zeit ‘time’ +Geist ‘spirit.’

ACTIONS FOR SOCIAL TRANSFORMATION

1.EXPOSE THE FEDERAL CARTEL
- boycott citibank, jp morgan, bank of america

2. BOYCOTT THE NEWS NETWORKS
- Use and Protect the Internet

3. BOYCOTT THE MILITARY

4. BOYCOTT THE ENERGY COMPANIES
- get off the grid and make your home & car self-sustainable

5. REJECT THE POLITICAL SYSTEM
- focus on working to dissolve the outdated system of politics, in
favour of technological redesign

6. CREATE CRITICAL MASS
- www.thezeitgeistmovement.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVkFb26u9g8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kHhc67GopM&feature=related

Am I just dreaming?

I don’t rap, I don’t sing, just a writer trying to make sense of things
I think all day and write all night, find the way to illuminate the light
Am I just dreaming in a world that’s come undone?
Am I just dreaming or am I just having so much fun
Let it last so, so long
Am I just dreaming, I don’t know?
Does it all have to make sweet sense?
Will our hearts then finally rest? While our minds take the final test
I don’t shoot, I don’t kill, just a writer trying to pay the bills
I work all day and write all night, find the way to share this life
Am I just dreaming in a world of wonder
Am I just dreaming, oh no Madonna
Let it last way past tomorrow
Am I just dreaming, I don’t think so
Does it all have to make sweet sense?
Will our hearts then finally rest? While our minds take another test
I don’t strum, I don’t drum, just a writer trying to make you hum along
Make you want to write this song
As you pour it out your lungs, oh baby you haven’t heard enough
Until you hear that back beat break in and then walk right out again
Until you hear that back beat break in and then turn around, and walk right out again
Forget the time you read over all the rules and still you misunderstood
So you forged ahead again and never turned back your head
Then things got tired just like these last few funky lines
I don’t talk, I lost my tongue, just a writer with working fingers, thank god
I think all day and write all night, with my dragon love and fire child
Am I just dreaming that this world will come to an end
While a new one awaits us where we will all unite as friends
Let it last so, so long
Am I just dreaming, I don’t think so
Am I just dreaming?

© Chico Sousa 2008

Hello Truth, Wherever You Are

Well I could sit down and begin to decipher and organize all the thoughts and feelings that are inspiring this moment of written word. Maybe I could shape an outline first, then develop it into a nice story according to all the writing rules that exist, but lately I find myself back where I started years ago. Simply allowing the words and expressions to come out of me unaltered, raw. People seem to connect with it, so why fight it. It may leave me an unpublished author until my death but such is life, and death.

I guess I wish the whole world could just stop! At least for one full day so everyone can have a chance to just listen and truly take stock of one’s life and the wonderful life that surrounds us. Let everyone rest from his or her worries and fears. One seems never to have enough time to do so and even when they do it is marred with interruptions and distractions. If we all had this opportunity would we not see that we are all going in different directions and we are all responsible for our global disconnect? We could all stop to catch the same frequency and realign ourselves with natural timing. In other words, our complaints and suffering would cease to exist if we could stop the mechanisms of global living so we could rest and find the truth to end the lies. Come together and help one another, share with each other, all truths. These truths travel time by spreading information to all those who are in the dark, through an army of storytellers.

I just finished reading a booked called Confessions of an Economic Hit Man. As the story plays out, unfolding America’s true colours of imperialism from Vietnam, Saudi Arabia all the way to Iraq and Iran, the question still arises from readers -what can we do? Of course the basics come out again and again, write to this person and that person, make your choices with your dollars and your mind. Yet, so much of this information has been available for decades while our suspicions run rampant, but still here we are looking for more answers. When we find some free time. We are barely given enough time to grieve and to enjoy life let alone the time and patience to seek all truths.

So what truths have been kept from us? Or are they simply assumptions that the rest of us unwillingly are simply assuming. Is it just the way it is? The current cover story from Adbusters magazine, talks about how the hipster is the dead end of Western Civilization. In the article the author summarizes –

“We are a lost generation, desperately clinging to anything that feels real, but too afraid to become it ourselves. We are a defeated generation, resigned to the hypocrisy of those before us, who once sang songs of rebellion and now sell them back to us. We are the last generation, a culmination of all previous things, destroyed by the vapidity that surrounds us. The hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture so detached and disconnected that it has stopped giving birth to anything new.”

Although I find his generalizations rather simplistic I did find this article very interesting but a strong part of me relates to the hipster in that I can see how some of us have come to this point. I strongly believe that despite all of our efforts with the worldwide protests that ensued after 9/11 in response to the US decision to invade Iraq, that for millions of us, the wind under our sails was extinguished. It was a major blow to our collective consciousness and it has taken years for us to rise again. Now, millions of us believe that nature itself will lead the final blow back to the system. A system that we must finally believe has never behaved for the greater good of this planet and all of its inhabitants. Have you ever heard of a planet called Nibiru? I feel Jon flying around me nudging my elbow that sets these fingers into motion. He wants the truth to be set free too. Let us raise our children to set sail and live in a time of freedom that is unaltered, raw and breathes new life into one that is dying a very slow death.

The lights have dimmed but still shine bright

Friday
July 4, 2008

It’s one in the afternoon and I’ve just finished eating an over priced breakfast in the Calgary airport. I’m awaiting my flight to London since leaving Vancouver earlier this morning.

I have kept all electronic devices to a minimum this time. No laptop as I go back to my old school roots with pen and paper! I do have a Blackberry which I check Facebook now and again, reading over everyone’s thoughts and tears about Jonathan’s tragic death. The day after Canada Day celebrations, my 17-year-old cousin and his best friend Dan were killed instantly in a car accident. Today is the US July 4th celebrations and this weekend we will bury two young shining stars who’s light dimmed far too early. And only dim they will for their light will never be gone. The outpouring of love and sadness in Strathroy and London is incredible from what I’ve witnessed all the way from the west coast. Their tribute page on Facebook is far past 500 people already and I can feel the loss and pain of all their high school friends and family.

It’s definitely a tragic moment in our family. I can feel the intensity of it all escalating as I get closer to seeing all my family again. It’s been just over a month since we were all together celebrating my Ben’s first birthday. Now we are all united again. I wish we could all move smoothly into honouring his life, celebrating it all instead of mourning it all. Death is a complicated beast that holds so many different meanings to every person. I’m praying for my whole family, especially Jon’s parents and two sisters Mackenzie & Monique to find peace and serenity in the midst of chaos. Part of me is happy to be able to come back home and lend my hand and all my love. Another part of me is almost overwhelmed with the sadness that lies ahead on this journey. Many years ago in London another tragic event in our family took away a father and a mother leaving the children behind. It rocked the community and our families very hard, as it was the top story in the news. In today’s London Free Press, the story of Jonathan and Dan was printed. It is still all very hard to believe.

My thoughts are on a Ferris wheel. The circle of thoughts goes round and round. My last memories of Jonathan was from Christmas and my last family reunion, thoughts of his family and their sadness, thoughts of all my family and how this affects them, my own brother who I hope outlives me by 125 years, my amazing wife and precious son. All of these thoughts while I sit in the middle of the Calgary airport filled with cowboy hats and partygoers ready to get their drunk on for Stampede. Can’t help think that Clo & Celeste would love Calgary.

Looks like my plane has arrived. Next stop London where my brother picks me up and we’ll head off straight to the visitations at the funeral home. I can’t help think how Jonathan was embarking on manhood and how I will miss finally connecting with him at that stage in life.


Monday
July 7, 2008

Well here it is my first chance to write again since and I’m back in Calgary en route home to Vancouver. What an emotional weekend. Friday night when I arrived my uncle, brother and godson picked me up and we headed to Strathroy for visitations at the funeral home. On the way there we stopped for a few minutes of reflection on Hickory Road at the spot of the fatal accident that took my cousin and his best friend. School friends had already begun leaving flowers, pictures and notes for the two young men. Two wooden crosses stood tall with both their names on them.

As we approached the funeral home the support was simply overwhelming. Two long lines coming from both sides of the funeral home that went alongside the roadside and around the corner. The funeral home was packed full of family, friends and many high school students. There were so many flower arrangements that they didn’t all fit in the funeral home. The visitations had started at 3:00 p.m. and it was now 9:00 p.m and the lines were still massive. The lines of people two thousand strong didn’t disappear until well past midnight and it had been a long, emotional and overwhelming day for everyone. Late that night my uncle, brother and I stayed up until sunrise serenading our cousin with an all night guitar jam.

What a gorgeous sunrise it was this Saturday too. A beautiful sunny day had arrived for us to lay these two young men to rest. The funeral service was over capacity with the church hall next door also full of hundreds of people watching the ceremony on a big screen. After the church we were in the funeral procession with two lines of cars headed down the streets and by the closed highway. The final stage at the cemetery was heart wrenching as we poured our emotions outside and into the air and trees all around us.

This is not an easy thing to write about and even now I am constantly hesitating with my pen. The entire weekend my thoughts would continue to jump from one person to another and how difficult this must be for them as it is for me. How unfair it all seemed losing two great young men. Although my cousin was twenty years younger than me I felt I knew him better than I ever did after this weekend, sadly. They touched the lives of so many people and they all shared their stories, love and support with us all and I thank them all for that.

After the cemetery hundreds showed up at the Portuguese Club where we all shared lunch together. After lunch my uncle and I went to watch my brother and godson play their soccer match. With black armbands on they hit the soccer pitch and dedicated the game to their young cousin Jonathan. That night the four of us performed one last serenade to our cousin.

I am now on a plane finally taking me home to Vancouver. It’s the first time I’ve left my one year old son and wife behind and I’m missing them big time. My eyes are dry and sore from the emotional weekend and the lack of sleep. I leave my hometown of London feeling sad about never seeing Jonathan again but I am also full of immense pride and joy for the legacy he leaves behind. I am so proud of the men and women in our families and the great children they are raising. I hope and pray that the Desa and Medeiros families can truly embrace the love and joyful spirit of their sons through the friends and family who all hold a piece of them in their hearts. This tragedy shook up two families, the community of Strathroy and their only high school. Now we begin the healing. Thank you Jonathan for your spirit, your kindness, your humour, your hard work and your brotherly love.

Wednesday
July 9, 2008

Today they are having a church service for Jonathan, which will be attended by our families and many others. I wish I could be there with you all. Since getting back in Vancouver our thoughts have been constantly with you all back in Ontario. The many text messages I have had with family, the phone calls, emails and Facebook chats have shown me without a doubt that Jonathan is still with us. It is only his physical form that has left us. There have been far too many signs for me to ignore the power of love and spirituality. Let us take joy and comfort in knowing that he now watches over us all with Gracinda and Francisco and many others who have left us before we had hoped. Rest in peace young prince. I love you.

Hawaii Chronicles April 12-14/2008

Saturday April 12, 2008

Last night there was a serious windstorm happening up here on the ridge. You see, we are staying at the Colonel’s place in a part of the island called Hawaii Kai and it’s a good drive up to the top of Mariner’s Ridge where he and Tessa live. So we were up late as Ben was a bit scared with all the noise rattling everywhere for several hours around the house.

There are a few perks if you are a guest of the Colonel as the military’s presence is all over the island. Today we went swimming at the private beach on Bellows Air Force Station where the waves were just perfect for bodysurfing and the sand was so soft, not like the hard coral sand of the other beaches. The water has been so warm that it takes a lot to get me to leave. Ben had a ball as he really enjoyed the sand and crawling all over the place playing chicken with the incoming waves. His face was completely covered in sand all day with the amount of times he face planted into the beach. The rest of the day and night we took it pretty easy and watched a great film called The Kite Runner.

Sunday April 13, 2008

We are now in the final stretch of our vacation and it has been a great one. Although the sunny weather was touch and go it was still warm and tropical. We’ve had some great meals including brunch today at the Officer’s Club on Kaneohe Marine Corps Air Station. Just another place civilians aren’t allowed to go unless accompanied by someone in the military. I never imagined myself setting foot on a military base and I’m sure it will probably be my last. Just like when we were on the military beach at Bellows there was no mistaken I was not in the service being the only longhaired hippy within miles. A monument commemorates the spot where the first Japanese jet fighter was shot down before Pearl Harbour was hit. There are helicopters, jets and tanks on display that we had to take some fun shots with of course. We took a tour of the base and you should see some of the real estate that some of the higher-ups have here. I guess if you have to be stationed anywhere in the United States- Hawaii is the place!

Monday April 14, 2008

It is our last day in Hawaii. We headed out early this morning to get the most out of the day and since we also heard that the Hanauma Bay Nature Preserve is packed all day long. Today was no exception as there was a line up when we showed up at nine thirty. What a great way to spend our last day here on the Ohau Island in Hawaii. Hanauma Bay is a protected area with an amazing coral reef and to top things off it was the sunniest day we’ve had since being here. We baked in the sun and took turns snorkeling in the bay and it was just amazing. It was impossible to keep track of all the different fish and marine life in the bay. At every turn there was something popping out of the reef and right in to your eyes. The most amazing were these two very large iridescent blue fish that traveled closely together and were very sneaky. Just when you thought they had taken off for a different part of the reef the next thing you know they are swimming right beside you!

In a couple of hours we’ll be heading out for dinner with our wonderful hosts Iain and Tessa, I believe they are taking us to a place called the Elks Club which I’m sure is nothing short of spectacular. It has been a wonderful ten days of relaxation and fun in Hawaii and we are so thankful for their kindness, generosity and gracious hospitality. Oh and how could I forget Ben’s new friends Lady, Suzie and Michelle – thanks for licking Ben clean and sharing his soother! Ruff ruff!

Aloha.

Hawaii Chronicles April 8-11/2008

Tuesday April 8, 2008

Well yesterday was a gorgeous day and we made it down to Sandy Beach for some relaxation in the sun. Of course we overestimated the relaxation part having never ventured to the beach with a child. In the twenty minutes we spent on the beach we managed to damage our camera and almost impale two people with our flying beach umbrella while Ben found every grain of sand to fill his mouth, eyes, ears and diapers. Feeling a bit exasperated we left and headed back to the indoor pool at our place, I know, poor us eh?

So we start today going for a drive to Waikiki and finding the Sony shop for our camera before deciding what to do. We may just have to settle for a disposable camera or simply taking in the sights and sounds in our head while recording them only on paper, imagine that.

Wednesday April 9, 2008

Alleluia! Well there are two things I love today, Sony Mapunapuna and GPS modules. Yesterday we headed out to a Sony service store and dropped off our camera for an hour to see if they could fix it. Meanwhile we found a gem of a place to eat, Henry Louis Restaurant, in heart of the industrial area of Honolulu. The place was a time warp once you walked in with its dark wood and dark lighting, even the bathrooms had ashtrays between the urinals. There were only two people in the whole joint when we arrived but by the time we left it was getting full. We found out later that it’s actually a landmark restaurant in the area especially with the military. We headed back to Sony with our fingers crossed and we were rewarded with a fixed camera and no charge! Alleluia! From there we let our GPS do the walking and found our way to Waikiki Beach.

It was a gorgeous sunny day and we were riding high with our camera back in full swing. We walked along the boardwalk and checked out all the tropical fish in the ocean. We stopped for some of Hawaii’s famous shaved ice, banana and strawberry flavoured of course. As we sat down on the grass near the beach we started to realize that we stood out amongst the scattered couples wearing banana hammocks and tight shorts. I guess we had found the equivalent of Vancouver’s Davie Street. I thought the two guys wearing their underwear on the beach seemed a bit odd. Other than the gorgeous Waikiki Beach I had enough of the tourism core, throngs of traffic and people. We ended the night cooking a typical Portuguese chicken and potatoes hearty meal for our hosts.

Today on the other hand has been our rain day and sadly the forecast for the rest of our trip is looking to be more of the same. Hawaii without a tan, say it isn’t so! So we spent most of the day playing with Ben and then heading out for a small drive to check out Pali Lookout and Waimanalo Bay, which just isn’t the same on an overcast day.

Thursday April 10, 2008

Today we headed out early in the morning to make the drive to the North Shore of the island, famous for its surf culture and the amazing pipeline. It is another overcast day but just like in Vancouver you can’t let the weather dictate your plans. So off we went for the good two-hour drive. We hit all the beach parks on the way stopping for breaks and checking out the gorgeous views off the island. Ben wasn’t into being in his car seat for long stretches so he was a bit cranky throughout the day, a sweet reminder that things had definitely changed in our little world. Once we made it up to the tip of the island we stopped at Turtle Bay, Sunset Beach, Waimea Bay and the historic town of Haleiwa. Apparently Haleiwa in the summer is jammed packed and the population just skyrockets like Tofino on Vancouver Island. All the shops and buildings are from the 1920’s and there are surfboards everywhere.

After that we headed through the middle of the island back south to Waikiki where the weather had taken a turn for the best. We stopped at Ala Moana Beach Park and finally had a good day of swimming in the salt water. Little Mr. Ocean just loved being in the water and having a few gulps of salt too. Of course he was in heaven playing in the sand and finding rocks and shells that fit comfortably into his mouth. He also enjoyed crawling endlessly after a bird that he thought might taste good too. We finally made it home and then had dinner at the Kona Brewing Pub before hitting the hay after a long adventurous day.

Friday April 11, 2008

So what does one do when you come to a sunny destination for some beach and sun but really can’t have either? Well maybe its somewhat of a blessing anyways since we couldn’t last long at the beach with Ben at this young age. Small doses is the prescription and its been working so far. So while Ben has his morning nap we are out on the deck taking in the breaks of sunshine that have come out to play. It’s hard to believe tomorrow makes a week we’ve been here already. Time is definitely starting to fly by fast. Speaking of flying, today they announced the third airline in as many weeks that has gone bankrupt. American Airlines, Aloha Airlines and now Oasis. Makes me wonder if they’ll ever be able to make air travel eco friendly and sustainable.

I’ve been missing my guitar this week and I think Ben has been missing his drums, judging from the way he has turned every table into a drum with whatever he can get his hands on. Although Alicia Keys, John Mayer and Fergie rule the airwaves here, we have been enjoying the variety of Hawaiian radio, especially all the reggae, but the absence of any musical instruments is sorely missed. The other day I had a dream that Sugah Shea and I were jamming away with guitars, bass and drums. I remember waking up with a big smile on my face like it had really happened. Our next home will definitely have a jam room!

One thing I have enjoyed here has been waking up before seven in the morning and not having to go to work. You just seem to get a bunch accomplished and don’t even realize its only nine and then ten, time just goes a bit slower and I love it in this accelerated world of ours. Hawaii was the ‘hang loose’ state where things go a bit slower but I haven’t been witness to that as most of the island looks just like another American town with capitalism beaming from every intersection.

There was finally a good break in the weather so we packed up and headed for a small drive to get take some great photos and soak up the sun. The first place we stopped at was Hanauma Bay a spectacular nature preserve just minutes away from our place. We couldn’t believe we hadn’t checked it out yet. We took a few pictures from the lookout and we plan to head back there for a full day before we leave. It’s simply beautiful with amazing snorkeling and hot spot for humpback whales, dolphins and other marine life. After that we headed over to Sandy Beach and Makupuu Point where the waves were the biggest they’ve been all week since it was such a windy day. The beach was full of surfers and dudes on their boogie boards, not to mention the throngs of tourists out with their cameras just like us but as luck would have it our batteries would die out and that would be the end of today’s footage!

Hawaii Chronicles April 4-7/2008

Friday April 4, 2008

Before I over think this into nothing I should just begin to put it down and out in writing. This time tomorrow I am on a plane to Hawaii and I was just thinking about editing on this trip but almost immediately after that thought was, screw it, just write instead.

A few years ago I went through an incredible writing purge resulting in volumes of stories, poetry, lyrics, observations, essays…the list goes on. So the burning itch on the back of my neck is to complete some serious editing, polish up the gems and share them, but the velvet twitch of my fingers catapults me into taking leaps of gymnastic dictation.

It’s midnight and all is still in the house of love. She lays in a hot bath dreaming of Maunalua Bay while he’s been out for hours and I write this dream of him sitting next to a mountain of pineapples with the silliest grin on his face. Soon we’ll all be on the beach together, everyday, listening to mother nature's voice and swimming in her love. Watching Ocean grow in front of our eyes in the Honolulu sunsets.

Sunday April 6, 2008

Aloha! We are in Hawaii! What a great flight we had too. Gentle Ben had a fun time on the plane and made friends with five-year-old Sophia sitting in front of us. They played peak-a-boo and some kind of bunny game initiated by Sophia that had Ben in stitches. My cheeks were hurting from laughing; it was so much fun to watch because she was just enamored and so engaged in play with Ben.

Once we were off the plane that familiar feeling of being welcomed by the heat and humidity reminded me of my first times flying with my family to Portugal and other hot spots. I always feel at home when I feel that type of climate and then my mind begins to dream and plot as if this was a place I was supposed to live. Our friends Theresa and Ian picked us up at the airport and we are now at their amazing home atop of the ridge overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The house is spectacular and exactly the type of house that I would love to live in. Not your typical cookie-cutter box but multi-leveled with nooks and crannies to explore. Oh, did I mention the amazing deck with the hot tub or the indoor pool and waterfall? Oh yah, its on! The pool area reminds me of a private grotto that Hugh Hefner would have off his bedroom instead of the massive one that everyone parties in. Can you tell I’m in love here already and I haven’t even left the house!

Last night there was a nice tropical storm for us to fall asleep to and today is a rainy windy day but from every corner of the house you can see patches of blue sky awaiting their return to our sun starved skin. I’m out on the deck with palm trees swaying next to me as I look out on to the ocean. It’s only 10:00 a.m. and we’ve been up since six when the first sunrays hit our faces in bed. It’s just nice not having an agenda or schedule too and so a rainy day is par for the course to break us into the hang loose lifestyle on the island. I say a rainy day but in this warm climate it doesn’t even feel like a rainy day as the sun showers come and go. For instance right now the sun is hitting my face and I can barely see the screen through my squinting eyes.

The moment I woke up and saw the deck my heart just told me that I would be writing out here a lot on this trip. A red cardinal just flew up on to the deck railing and its’ colour is so vibrant. The sounds of birds mixed in with the swirling wind and the calming sounds of the waterfall below, man I love it here, right here right now! I feel like I could just keep writing and writing, describing the scenery and the energy but I haven’t even left this freaking house yet! Then all of a sudden without any warning we are surrounded by clouds and my ocean vista is gone.

It is mid afternoon and everyone is sleeping taking their afternoon nap after returning from lunch. Our first meal was at a Chinese restaurant called Lung Fung and although it sounds like something you don’t want to catch the food was superb. We took the long way home on the drive and had a chance to take in some of the amazing views around Oahu, like Sandy Beach Park where the surfers were hanging out on the smaller waves and the Halona Blowhole. The rest of the day was simply enjoying a whole day with the family without having to go to work or anywhere else. It was great to spend the whole day with Ben knowing we had another eight days to do the same. The day ended watching Ben taking his first steps all by himself, about four of them all on his own which he did a couple of times. The monumental moment was witnessed by us all and his new friends the three ‘lassie’ dogs they have here; Michelle, Suzie and Lady. Ben hasn’t shown any fear around the dogs as he non-chalantly grabs them by the snout and brushes them off when he’s done with them.

Our first evening was fully complete as our wonderful hosts Ian and Tessa treated us to a fabulous dinner. We started off with some Ahi tuna appetizers before moving on to scallop ceviche (I’m stealing that recipe) and some monster king crab. Heavenly.

Monday April 7, 2008

Well it is another early morning here in Hawaii as we were up around 6:00 a.m. again and it feels good. The sun shines through our window revealing a wonderful view of Maui in the distance. One of the dogs, Lady, had a bit of a rough night. We had brought a couple of things from Canada for our hosts, including a big bag full of licorice candy that Lady happened to eat all to herself somehow, not a pretty scene but I think she is feeling a bit better today. It was a lot of candy!

I’m finally shirtless and basking in the morning sun. So far today is looking like a sunnier day then yesterday although the week forecast shows no let up on the rain. I’m sitting back on the deck overlooking Kona Mountain while the soundtrack to this moment is the wind blowing through the palm trees, dogs barking in the neighbourhood and a couple other animals cooing that I have yet to identify. Oh, and the sun is still beaming brilliantly on my face. Today we will head out for a couple of local excursions as I plan to be back for 3:00 p.m. to watch the NCCA basketball finals with Memphis against Kansas (and no I didn’t pick either team to be in the final – what happened UCLA!).

This feeling of bliss as I soak up the sun is one that was sorely missed over the last year as last summer Ben had just been born and we didn’t make it to the beach much. This moment of temporary relaxation is one I will cherish and eat up as much as possible as I know it continues to diminish while raising a child. Everyone keeps telling us that our lives end now where Ben’s is just beginning. Although I understand that perfectly I know that we do our best to attempt a sense of equilibrium between us three so we don’t feel out of balance. So far it seems to be working and I think that is a result of Ben’s independent spirit and patience.

MARCH 29, 2008Share
2:07pm Today | Edit Note | Delete

Joseph = joey = joe = junior = jp = chico = joseph = HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Many thanks and high fives back to all of you, your greetings added to the love today.

Word of the day = Music

Film of the day = August Rush

Hope of the day = 8 p.m. turn out your lights and celebrate Earth Hour!

Songs of the day =
Kid Cudi - Day N’ Night (Crookers Mix)
Time To Pretend - MGMT
Beach in Hawaii - Ziggy Marley
Funky Space Reincarnation- Marvin Gaye
Ratatat - Seventeen Years

Mix of the day =
Walden Pond Mix by thePAsystem : )

Top 10 Albums Played This Week March 29, 2008

Ziggy Marley - Love is My Religion
Panther - 14k God
Vampire Weekend- Vampire Weekend
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
Black Mountain - In The Future
Cadence Weapon - Afterparty Babies
We Are Scientists - Brain Trust Mastery
Johnny Greenwood -There Will Be Blood
Fu#$ Buttons - Streeet Horrsing
Smashing Pumpkins- American Gothic EP (Sunkissed - Ben’s song today)

The last year was amazing and brought me many miracles and bundles of love. I am ever so thankful for this life. Here’s to the next year of amazing discoveries and joy.Thank you Keli & Ben!!!!!
Go Habs, Go UCLA!

Cracking Ice

This morning as I walked to work and turned off of Pacific Boulevard on to our beloved street in Gastown the magnificent spectaculars were out in full force. The piss filled air roams through the streets, as do abandoned condoms and needles. As I pass the Starbucks on the corner and head towards Pender Street a man runs out of the 7-11 chased and tackled by the employee for apparently stealing something. The alleged thief manages to break free in front of the store and while the employee calls the police the thief and his friends discuss what just happened. “Maybe you should take off before the cops show up,” one of them manages to slur out.



As I continue down Abbott St. ahead of me is what appears to be a skinny junkie bent over and sifting through her box of belongings right in front of the McDonalds. One item after another gets hurled over her shoulder in a desperate search for nothing but her lost mind. Her black tights are small and barely cover the track marks all over her calves. As I cross Pender St. another woman covered in smeared mascara, wearing knee high socks and an overcoat is squatting in front of the Budget rent-a-car filling up her crack pipe. Another woman, or is it a man walking sideways, comes barreling around the corner and almost lands on top of the squatter. The next two blocks between Pender past Hastings to Cordova Street feels like a scene right out of Jim Carroll’s Basketball Diaries. I start to wonder like in some of the other popular films about drug culture if a big shipment of crack hit the streets last night. It’s like the Night of the Living Dead – except its 9:00 a.m.!!



My eyes were filled with these images and more on my morning walk while my head was still picturing the footage of the disintegration of the Wilkins Ice Shelf in the Antarctic Peninsula. A massive 160-square-mile piece of western Antarctic – poof! So the two different scenes in my subconscious today – ice and crack ice. I couldn’t help think how so much of the mechanisms in life, in society, feel as though they are merely here to keep us entertained and oblivious to the real things happening. Sure, I have felt this for some years now but I wonder if more of us are becoming numb or more aware? As we pick and choose what to do with our awareness some of us fall into a blissful state of apathy while others fight off the pessimism of knowing.


Meanwhile, I continue to question everything and live on in constant preparation for a new way.

© Chico Sousa 2008

Paperback Typer

So this is great practice for myself. I am lost. I am here but I am in search of something more. Something else, something that has meaning. Must all my meaning only be found in the inspiration of song? There is no guidance, there is no assurance, there is barely a compass showing us the way. We dredge on not knowing of our future but do any of us? The captain is shroud in mystery, his whereabouts purposely unknown, untold. Deal with this, and this and this, as I leave it last minute for you to complete thanks to the tequila twist. I'm in a whirlwind trying to find a spot to fit in, story of my life - where shall I begin? Sounds of nostalgia and disco breaks set the tempo to these nimble fingers attempting to create something out of nothing. There is no methodology here, in fact there was barely a thought put forward to bring about these actions. I was led here by my fingers and all I can do now is follow until I break free to the beat of a new direction.

I put these digits aside and somehow they awake again and flow back into their arched position attempting to create. They move with lightening speed yet they are void of any true thought, a thought that I should take solace in but somehow the peacefulness of nothingness leaves me with feelings of emptiness. Life's true work just can't be found in this limiting structure, in these walls of uncertainty nor in the margins of profit and loss. I read your thoughts of familial experience, the experience of true meaning of which I agree but still within this system it too is left with very little time in comparison. So dream fingers, dream on and find that kwan, the kwan of mixing career with love. A pipe dream as we may have all lost sight of the truth, our true connection to mother earth. A connection we have worked decades to lose. So my words hand off the baton to Kalle Hasn from Adbusters magazine.

~ That pretty well sums up the way most of us in the affluent West feel about global warming: we’re ready to make small sacrifices, change our light bulbs, our cars and even our leaders, but our culture – the American way of life – is not negotiable.

That’s too bad, because our consumer culture is the primary cause of our ecological crisis. Since WWII, our consumption levels have grown by 300 percent and in the process we’ve developed enormous footprints, insatiable appetites and a boundless sense of entitlement. There’s something degenerate now at the very heart of our culture, and fixing it won’t be easy. We’ll have to confront the fact that we do not have the right to emit carbon into the atmosphere at a much higher rate than everyone else on Earth. And then we’ll have to rethink many aspects of our lives: the way we eat, work, get around, shop, entertain ourselves, raise our children and think about freedom and the responsibilities that come with it.


That kind of cultural transformation will be pretty hard to pull off and it may take more apocalyptic eco-news, more Virginia Techs, kids on Ritalin, more military strikes and terrorists who hate us and maybe a global economic crash before we get serious.

But there’s also an upside to all this: we’re in the endgame now – all six-and-a-half billion of us living through one of the wildest, most lunatic moments in human history, working our way towards an enthralling collective climax. Will it be a dog-eat-dog bloodbath, or a more erotic, consensual kind of climax in which we work it out together? For awhile longer, the choice remains ours. ~

Green Socks

I just spent the last moments of the weekend organizing my sock drawer. It was fascinating, seriously. I feel as though I solved a thirty-year-old mystery. You know how you always lose a sock or two during the laundry ritual? Where do all those socks go you keep wondering? Tonight I figured it out.

C. Jeanne Heida at associatedcontent.com sheds some light on the top places missing socks tend to go. She says to try checking your agitator. “When I donated an old washing machine several years ago, I pried up the agitator and found nearly twenty missing socks.” Apparently there is a gap in the washing machine where socks can easily slip through. Fascinating.

“The other place socks tend to go,” she says, ‘is hidden or stuck to other pieces of clothing,” which makes great sense. She adds that socks aren’t alone in finding themselves missing in action during the laundry process. “Underwear is particularly fond of turning up in places where it shouldn’t be.” I hear that all the time at home!

The subject continued to fascinate me so I continued researching other articles, long articles – about missing socks! The funny had now become absurd. The coolest piece I read was Brian J. Reardon at laundry-alternative.com with his Fate of Missing Socks - Laundry: A Quantum Mechanical Approach. Intrigued I had to read on to find out that the first modern theory to explain typical laundry questions like the missing sock query, was the Decay Theory that states; the quantity of socks in a load can be expressed as a decreasing exponential function of time which is analogous to radioactive decay. Of course, duh!

Nt+N0*exp(-pt)



Reardon points out however, “according to this theory, socks should never completely disappear, or, more importantly, reappear. This clearly contradicts every day experience.”

My weekly laundry experience showed me that when I found a solo sock at the end of folding I would throw it in my sock drawer. Well tonight, that’s exactly where I found them all, every last solo sock found its’ mate tonight in the bottom of the sock drawer. Mystery solved. All except two different green socks, independent stragglers losing their mates after the St. Patrick’s parade but their match may be in the laundry as we speak, or stuck to someone’s kilt drenched in green beer at the Blarney Stone.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!

© Chico Daily 2008

I Am Awash In A Sea Of Thought

As the moon eclipsed, the sultans of summer flew through the night wind and whispered in my ear, “We’ll see you soon.” The appearance of the first light shot out a moon ray of summer heat on my cheeks, I smiled. Rethink. Repeat. I returned.

I am awash in a sea of thought as I pass the dumpster homes and sidewalk beds along my way to work. The air smells like spring fever and the crocuses are sprouting wildly all over town. Today the rain is like a misty Irish Spring commercial showering my face with the freshness of carbon emissions. It’s the black and the white, the blood and the band-aid, the cosmic force of balance. It’s this constant ebb and flow that gives me hope at the same time as I surrender my hands up to the heavens in a state of complete ignorance. Life is the constant change.

My fingers are introduced to their new friends, the keys, like those of a piano or a vintage synthesizer. Yes, there can be a rhythm in this verbiage diarrhea that in some moments feels like the beat of a song. Or a melody here and a small sample, here and there. Ridiculous. These half assed songs and these unrequited rants of love and life burn fast and fade away in an instant while I am left in disrepair. A push of a button lends to the addition of another friend on this book of faces. Hundreds of you as we claim our social stamp through an online community where maybe only the same five of you have the time to be friendly. All of this connecting and re-connecting into a feeling of disconnection.

It’s an interesting time as I wrestle with each lesson and piece of advice to share with the Prince of Heaven on his so very young journey here on earth. My heart is a multi-tasking super computer attempting to prioritize familial aspirations as I veer off on to the shoulder of the road less traveled. How do we keep to the path while succumbing to the banality of routine and scheduling? Where else is the passion outside of the fire that burns in this child’s eyes to know more? Where am I? Where are you?

This is not a passage of discontent but one of excitement and bewilderment. I have never felt so much peace in the face of the unknown as I am encouraged by the long arm of patience to breathe fresh again. There are only these shades of time to find the colour to ignite new life. There will be many moments like these and other chapters to read of life’s observations, as we continue to proceed through this magical odyssey. This was just one of those moments.

How I Shine Holding My Protest Sign

I think my heart and my mind are somehow in cahoots with one another. Usually they work against each other trying to find their own resolve and on the rare occasion they will collaborate. Yet these days I wonder if they are simply communicating to not communicate. These fingers are slowly finding a rhythm in these keys, in these words to shed light on this black hole of – and then suddenly my eyes blur into one and I seem lost in front of this page. The question? Writer’s block, creative impasse and shaking off cobwebs from this passenger seat – have I lost the map?

I am full of amazement in front of my child as I laugh away with him. There are moments where I trip and fall to find the camera or a pen as I look to document and encapsulate all the numinous expressions. Then the instant fades in front of me but I do not languish in it, or in thinking that I somehow missed it, it just is. Maybe it is simply a new blank canvas that stands in front of me that I find difficult to fill with my own selfish visions of greatness. Constantly inspired by the artistic endeavors of my colleagues sometimes to the point of impossibility. How could any of this ever measure up? How far behind this can feel. This part-time castle-building leaves me speechless and full of humility yet the full-time passion punches plenty of verve as it searches on for its true place in time.

There is a fog lifting at a snails pace, there is a swarming crowd of thoughts scattering to the gunshots of this lost passage. This drum machine heart beat looks to explode every colour to the ground and let it wash away with these grey months of rain. I am splashing like a child in these puddles of discomfort as the water drops singe my hot and weathered skin. I walk along Thoreau through the brush at Walden and find purity flowing effortlessly in the woods. The next minute I am walking in human feces, discarded needles and unforgiving, unhealthy appetites that search right through me for the next fix.

A fifty-foot wave will cut open my chest and set my heart ablaze. The branches of the great Heaven Tree will stitch me back again saving me from my grave. I am in discussions with the angels of bedlam to host the last party on earth. As we await your response the decorations are hung and the bands begin to tune. There is a melancholy melody twanging with the sense of urgency while I search for the right key. Do, re, me I am the unchartered frequency.

The Vampire Weekend sings the story of the ‘campus’ and I am suddenly transported back to the scholastic grounds grasping a politics degree in hand. Oh how it has served me well to dissect the last eight years of dishonesty and criminality. Look how I shine holding my protest sign. It is obvious now when a tree falls in the forest no one hears, for one would think the hundreds of clear cuts worldwide would be deafening. Where are we headed?

Now that you have chosen to wind through this maze of verbiage with no exit in sight, how can I bring you closure when I’m concentrating on opening up?