Substance of time

January 5, 2009 Monday

A few days into the New Year and my first moment to just sit and write, take it all in. After a brief discussion in the kitchen we both agreed to take Ben’s current nap time and just write. Solace within. Sometimes these are great moments to assist the creative flow. The many wells of inspiration found all around us like family, to share in the love and help create. I remember my brother mentioning it one night after….

It all started on December 20th as our plane set to depart to Toronto; we sat patiently on the tarmac for three hours, eventually lifting off with the last passengers to fly out of Vancouver airport that day before it shut down due to the weather. We then missed our connector flight in Toronto then finding another flight and finally landing in London with no luggage. Despite the weather and the outdated airline customer service, we arrived alive in 2009.

As I stop to think for a bit, I know he’ll be up sooner with each passing moment as I laugh while writing at a feverish pace. The family Christmas caravan this year was a momentous one full of love, loss, laughter, tears and joy. We watched them all play and we played along with them all. We remembered and rejoiced, forgave and wept. We engaged with the youngest at three months, Eli, with a wonderful adventure to Toronto Island with the Cartys, then with the eldest Armando & Bemvida Sousa at ninety plus years of life. We had the blessings to spend time with so many in a quick twelve days. Over fifty people that you love but only so much time to spend with them all and still not see everyone. The joy was within the company but for the most part most visits only scratched the surface of engagement and one can only draw upon childhood memories from the luxury of our past to make up the rest. Memories where families visited sometimes for four to five hours, a day full of running, games, time wasters, naps, great meals, cards, time outs, misbehaving and shoes across your ass.

The substance of time. Although there is a deep loving connection with each family visit, the time is far too brief to allow all that one may yearn to share and discuss. My greatest moments were simply as a joyful observer watching my son engage in play with all of his relatives. Chasing back and forth with Vanessa, playing basketball with Philip, rocking out to guitar hero with Jordan, premium hanging out time with Lydia and going up and down, up and down the staircases. He mastered ping-pong by placing the ball at the edge of the table and then smashing it with his paddle as if he was playing tee ball. He petted big dogs and fed them treats, he shied away from dogs his size, and he intimidated and taunted the smallest as he puffed out his chest with a smile. And everywhere there was choo-choo, choo-choo. Everywhere. Thanks Uncle Rick!



So many unique and wonderful memories this year and unfortunately far too many missed still. Today is the last day of hearing choo-choo, choo-choo all the time except for the couple hours I will see him as I return back from work each night. This is where my fingers stop for many minutes. Waiting to write the next words, the next thoughts. What will the next year bring? How can I spend more time with my son and my love? Is this the year to the valley? To the hills? Write that bestseller, grow our own food and watch him grow like a tree in the woods.

January 6, 2009 Tuesday

It’s my first day back to work and things are quiet. The snow covered city is now a veil of mist and rain as the snow begins to retreat down the streets and into the rivers. The phones are silent and even the emails bare no life today. Still, when I was called into his office at 4:30 this afternoon it still felt unexpected. Yes, today I have joined the thousands who have been laid off as a result of the sweeping decline in our economy. Happy New Year!



It looks like Ace Film just made it to its 20th anniversary and will eventually close down on that note. I am full of mixed emotions that for the most part, have left me feeling numb and saddened. Those feelings will subside and will move towards an excited and inspired motivation to find a new opportunity to be of service, grow and provide for my family. The continuing efforts to stay in touch with so many people I can only hope will now help me on this journey. Ace has been good to us and I am thankful for the opportunities that were made available over the years. It is now time to create that picture of what we really want in our thoughts and bring that powerful vision to life.