Waking The Giant Within

Today’s observation is coming to you live from the House of Love in Vancouver. Not the 16th or 19th floor of the ivory tower or the sunny side of Granville Island, nor the shady lanes of Gastown. This time I am just off the Broadway lights and nestled in with the glow of the avenue.

It has been exactly three months since I was laid off at Ace Film. It has also been over three months since I’ve written anything. The responsibility of the situation has slowly rendered myself creatively dead. Regardless of the media’s gloom and doom outlook I remain optimistic and positive…most days. For sure this great attitude attracted a fantastic opportunity straight out of the gate for a Client Services Manager position with an up and coming media company. After weeding down the applicants from a 100, I made the top 20 then the top 4, but it was all too quick to be true. Not a single other interview anywhere since then. With each new career posting comes another list of freshly unemployed faces. Yet, there are many who are still making money. Some significantly less and some how others still making even more. “It’s a new economy now,” my good friend tells me, “the days of giving out jobs is gone, now you must create it.” The freelancer now rules, so I continue to dream.

Surrounded by the self-employment bug since I was a child, the light of independence stays lit within me. I still scour the listings, research the companies hiring and proceed to convince them of my value through a cover letter. Administrative roles, management, production, writing, and project management – my diversity while it is the soul’s blessing it is but a curse in this circle and square peg search. The sound of a binner pushing his treasure trove full shopping cart down the avenue reminds me how close we all are to that reality. The bottles and cans we would always leave for them in the past we now collect and return for milk money. Even the brothel downstairs from us seems oddly quite lately. No late night horny drunk drive by’s, no cock chatter over cigarettes at night.

More than any other time, these past few months have been like surfing big waves. A recurring swell continues to pass through this space and I continue to ride each wave through it instead of attempting to swim against it. Sometimes the road less traveled is simply taken by not veering from the road you are already on. Time is not left to continue to second-guess it all.

The last 48 hours has turned this writers dry spell into a deep well. A voice that spoke so loudly when employed had lain dormant for months. A new voice rose to the forefront one whose time was truly ready, the voice of fatherhood. When Ben was born almost two years ago, I was back to work the very next day producing a television commercial. Those first few days and weeks I admit were uncomfortable. It felt as though I gave birth and then the child was taken away from me. With time those feelings dissipated and the joy grew each day as I was greeted at home with open arms. But as the months passed and the first year did as well, I realized how much I was still missing. That whole 9-5 time was gone and I felt like the divorced parent with custody on weekends. The joy of my work held these facts and feelings at bay. One day I would be securing a deposit for a new project or running in front of the camera for a new spot, the next day I would be recording music for it as well. I was finally in my element, in a place that could accommodate my skills and passions. But each night upon my return home my skills and passion for fatherhood and husbandry would take over. Communication was so evident early on with his sign language, confirming his understanding of things. We continue to strive to be the key educators in his early life. The last three months has been a blessing for this as I feel we have really connected and grown together. Who wants to be away from this?

So with this integral bonding phase in full gear and the return of the observer’s pen, I can only feel the presence of something new on the horizon, a reawakening of sleeping trees to breathe new life into this grand love story.