In The Name Of My Father

Night vs. Day

It’s two a.m. The computer is off yet there is the low hum from the external drives still running. Flick. Gone. The streets are quiet but another hum still exists outside, little murmurs from the men visiting the brothel beneath our apartment. I wonder if the night feels ignored, especially on such sunny days. All day long we compliment the weather, we work ourselves hard in the sun only to meet the night with tired bones and smiles. I reach out to the night, the place of my second wind. That piece of solitude we all embrace as it is always fleeting. The deep dark night will test your patience and it will cheer you on to keep it company until dawn, if you dare. That is what the night hopes for, so that you may sleep through most of the day and return to enjoy the night that much quicker. Lonely is the night. Good night? Tricky night, good day. Night and day.

Chico Daily : Beats Edition

I am on a creative binge. I came to the screen to transcribe my latest observations and instead I start writing a new one, recording a new mix and writing about some new music. I love some of the new sounds coming through my headphones lately.

Delivered in time for your Monday, one hour of music mixed by thePAsystem. Also, a few of the artists on the mix highlighted below. Please enjoy. Have a great week!

The Cruisers Mix by thePAsystem

Phoenix – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix




I saw them perform on SNL and I was an instant fan. I dug the guitars and the great backbeat on those three songs performed that night. Lisztomania and 1901 from the new album and Too Young from their first album United. Now I’m enjoying the sonic layers via my headphones, giving me the complete Phoenix experience. Sampling some of the back catalogue, which is a bit mellower whereas I think the new album, is definitely more in your face and dance floor strut friendly. Phoenix are The Strokes meets moments of Coconut Records on a dance floor in France. Sounds great.
Beats Most Played – 1901, Lisztomania, Lasso, Armistice

Exile – Radio



I love everything about this album. It was like the first time I heard the Avalanches from Australia. I loved every sample, loop, oddity, disco boogie tendency and relentless beats. Crafty and clever, Radio is a sonic accompaniment to your journey of highs and lows. Sometimes difficult and jarring as it works through its pain, other times real and funny as it swings on the beat man.
Beats Most Played – Frequency Modulation, The Sound is God, The Machine, Love Line

Silversun Pickups - Swoon



I first saw Silversun Pickups on a fifteen second clip during a news at noon music segment one day. The riffs, tempo and the Smashing Pumpkinesque sound with better vocals snatched my attention immediately. Brian Aubert’s vocals sway through the heavy and the lighter sounds on Swoon convincing you of his every breath. Those few seconds of them playing Panic Switch on a stage convinced me that I wanted to see them live when they came to town too.
Beats Most Played – There’s No Secrets This Year, Growing Old is Getting Old, Panic Switch, It’s Nice To Know You Work Alone

K-Os - YES!



KB, I’m picking up everything you are dropping. Every album better, wider, louder and stretching yourself longer, thank you. From the get go K-Os releases his musical passion with an original style that is both honest and in its catchy delivery, Kheaven’s Original Sound. Make you sing, make you clap your hands and dance. Repeat. I live my life through the speakers too.
Beats Most Played – I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman, Burning Bridges, 4 3 2 1, Eye Know Something

The Bug

My son turns two in three days and right now he can spell about twenty words and counting. My favorites from his list have to be: mom and dad, friend, park and GO! Everywhere we go he is spelling whatever he sees. The real estate agents name on a for sale sign, the emergency lever on the bus or if you happen to be on the Q-U-E-E-N O-F A-L-B-E-R-N-I ferry – he’ll spell it all for you. After he knew his alphabet we just started making flashcards with words he already knew and used. Now I introduce new words in the morning and then repeat in the afternoon. By dinnertime he usually can spell three new words from memory without seeing the flashcards. I’m amazed with the retention level of children. Speaking of retaining, potty training was the topic at the playground today. I spoke to one nanny who takes care of ‘Jordan’ and he’s in his fourth week of ‘training’, as she put it. You really have to stay consistent with it and see it through until he graduates to le potty magnificent! I can’t say we’ve been ‘training’ yet but we’ve definitely introduced the idea a few times. So far he’s comfortable with just farting for now but real training shall commence very soon. Potty training, man how life has changed now that I'm a stay at home dad. There’s another word for my flashcards, potty.

So I picked up the Writers Market book to help me turn this writing passion into a career. Lots to do and only so much time. I’m starting to fire up that networking bug and talking with other writers and creatives again. Feels good after not working with anyone since the lay off. I’ve been checking out this website my friend Sammy put me on to called dooce.com. Basically she is a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) who started this blog back when she was a single, successful web designer in Los Angeles who was fired for writing about work at the time. Since then the blog took off and she got married, had child, post partum depression, mental health hospital and became so popular that her husband quit his job to work on it too. Something like that – check out the site. Maybe I’m the SAHD with the blog who supports his family. Dare I say I love the sound of that? Let’s bring you up to speed.

In my past lives I have worked in the real estate, music, financial and film industries but as of my first day back to work in 2009, I was now in the employment insurance industry. It has now been four months without work but four amazing months raising my son. My wife thankfully found some enjoyable work a couple days a week and now our roles have reversed. Now she is back in the company of adults while I embrace my extended time teaching our son, building train sets and developing my writing during his naps. As I continue to write and create a build a career from it, I share my passion for words and writing with my son. I tell him how I dream of publishing a book of daddy’s writings but in the meantime I still look for other writing opportunities for websites, album reviews and creative writing. (My shameless plug for anyone needing my services, like directing you towards this website that I wrote many of the articles for www.bestinsurance.ca - great idea son).

I feel like I’m starting some fires under my own ass today now that I’m not on a ship headed to Alaska. Taking a cruise has never been on my list of things to do but because of family and friends rate there was a chance we were sailing tonight on an Alaskan cruise for seven days. Unfortunately it sold out and we are stuck in gorgeous Vancouver. It’s funny, while we were anxious to find out if we were going we were also having second thoughts about what a cruise represents to us in today’s world. Opulence of such magnitude, everything larger than life, more than you’ll ever need in a time where the needy out number us all. Who knows what damage they cause to our seas and the high levels of waste it creates daily. Although it’s a consumer’s paradise on the ocean, I was definitely looking forward to the writing it would have inspired.

Instead, writing on this sunny patio continues to contain a powerful creative vortex that I am consumed by. Right now the last inches of sunlight are quickly escaping from our sanctuary. My son is busy inspecting the different bugs in the garden and practicing his writing skills with some pavement chalk at the same time. As for the cruise, easy almost come, easy go, no big deal. Except we were dreaming along and thinking we’d be celebrating our sons second birthday in Alaska. Now we have two days to put a birthday party together! S-H-I-T.

A Night of Riff Lust, A Morning of Purpose

Where shall I begin? Let’s start with today and then shift into last night at the concert. It is simply a quintessential premium picture perfect hot and sunny Victoria Day long weekend afternoon in Vancouver. I’m laying in the hammock with book and pen to bring down the flow. I am super energized. I am full of purpose and inspired. I left the house at 8 a.m. and headed off to a forest for the first meeting of the 2009 Young Men’s Adventure Weekend. Every year we produce a weekend wilderness camp that helps create positive mentorship opportunities for young men ages 12-17 years.



So with today’s first meeting and the stories we shared of the past, I am electrified and instantly reminded why we do this community work. It’s part of our purpose to share with the young and in turn help them create avenues and venues among themselves to engage, communicate, release, grow, challenge, have outrageous fun and lead purposeful lives. I could go on and on about how each year the weekend changes people’s lives, it always has a profound effect on my life. A book recently released by author Michael Gurian, The Purpose of Boys, includes a two-page write up about YMAW by its founder Brad Leslie. In the meantime, I am currently calling out all the good friends of mine out there to get involved and those of you with sons to give us a call. This continues to be a true grass roots experience and exists completely on the time and energy contributed by all the men and the generosity of donations. I’m sure I will talk more about it between now and July 10. Check out the website www.ymaw.com.



Now the wilderness story ends and the city tale begins, as I take you back to the night before when were walking across Granville Bridge on our way to the Commodore Ballroom. Most of the construction on the Granville strip is complete and with the widening of the sidewalks against the backdrop of older brick buildings, downtown looks like a western town – then the little man awakes from his nap sporting his Benfica soccer outfit and interrupts this writing flow, joining me for a gentle swing in the hammock to assist with his awakening process.

Hours have now passed since those sweet sunburn moments in the hammock and the afternoon sun was enjoyed to the fullest with a slow walk to Kitsilano beach. It was packed along the seawall with bikes and joggers, strollers and dogs, but everyone was in a great mood enjoying the hottest sunny day in Vancouver this year.

Now I’m at home listening to The Kills album and recalling the scenes in my head from the Commodore. We arrived as The Horrors set was ending, greeted by an ecstatic crowd. Nice rock star entrance. We ventured through the club then picked a spot close to the front, stage left. A very happy fan in front grinned happily when one of the roadies passed her The Horrors set list. As we waited for The Kills to hit the stage I checked out the simple stage set up of two guitars, 2 Fender amps, 1 Vox amp, plus a couple drum machines. Looking around I start to see people staring back at me, so I thought, until my buddy Sam tells me Narduar is behind me. Shortly thereafter one guy shouts out to his buddies in front of us – “You guys! You know who is over there? It's Narduar, man!” Next they all scream out “NARDUAR!!!” and bust by us to have their photos taken together. They were so excited. We left and found a new spot, stage right.

Finally The Kills hit the stage with U.R.A. Fever. Jamie Hince battered his guitar while Alison Mosshart strutted and slithered across the stage, her voice wailing like a possessed grand daughter of Roseanne Cash and Shirley Manson. Alison’s voice was sultry and strong, sometimes filled with piss and vinegar sometimes served with vengeance and pain. She rocked, and the duo filled the Commodore with their riff lust. A fantastic combo of dance beats like Getting Down, Cheap and Cheerful and crowd favorite Alphabet Pony was served up, mixed with the raunchy, bluesy, slow and sexy tracks from the Midnight Boom album.





Watching Alison staring into the abyss, first sitting in front of the speakers then teetering atop one of the monitors possessed by the spirit of the dark and friction filled music, one could only wonder where the music took her. My favorite tracks last night were Hook and Line which ‘blow away’, Last day of Magic and the gorgeous cover of Peggy Lee’s 'Crazy'. It was a great show with two artists still growing and experimenting on stage together, too hip for words. An aural assault of pleasure and pain filled our ears and the dirty groove shuffled our feet. The Kills surprised Vancouver, and we loved it.

This Love Will Never Hide

Some of you thrive on the west coast, some of us on the east
No matter the distance, I still feel your reach
Something we've been stewing, is getting closer for all to eat
I am soaked in blessings and love, I feel no end in sight
Although the struggle continues and we must never give up the fight
The battle for truth marches on and on and on
Cut yourself loose from the ropes and chains that try to string you along
The earth awaits you to tread a new path
Let the sun guide you with the light it will cast
Let the trees feed your lungs and the water wet your lips
Nourish your soul and stay strong to resist
Our numbers are growing, we cannot be stopped
They may try to kill us
But what we have found can never be lost
We stand in front of shadows
We stand first in line
You can always find us
For this love will never hide

BC, Babes, Beautiful

I love this country. More so, I love this province of British Columbia. Although I came here as a child once, those memories from the early 70’s only come through the family photo albums I would look at through the years. It wasn’t until I graduated from high school that I came out here on my own to check it out. Hanging out in Kitsilano with my uncle that summer I knew it was the place to live one day. When we finally did drive across the country nine years ago I was speechless as we drove through the mountains and I knew I had arrived in my new home.

British Columbia is all over my mind this morning. The skies are uncertain today still deciding if they want to shower us with sunshine or rain. After breakfast we cut our train yard building short, as it was time to head to the polling station. It is the BC Election today where the Liberal party is in power. Although I didn’t vote for them I can’t see them being replaced yet. I think in tough times people don’t change because they fear that change, instead of embracing it. We would have to have a prime minister sinister like the former bushman before people would unite for change. In the end I don’t think it’s the peoples fault. Society has made a good busy life for everyone to try to keep up with, most have little time, or understanding to put much effort into what government does, but we should. Some of us do all we can, despite them. Great movements of change will happen outside the confines of government walls.



This past weekend was Mother’s Day and we took ‘mom’ to Van Dusen Gardens on a gorgeous sunny day. We had a great picnic outside the maze and we walked for hours through all the flourishing gardens. It was a real special mothers day too as she was also voted the Greenest Mom in BC!! Can you believe that? There was an online contest with Chum FM and she wrote in and won it all! She deserves it. Ever since we sold our car and started walking and biking everywhere, it has been a steady climb up the shades of green in our house, all spearheaded by the Green mom. From unplugging appliances, using less electricity, using reusable hemp diapers, drying the clothes outside in the summer, planting our vegetables to getting a worm compost (these worms are incredible) she has been constant and diligent in her research for our collective health. It never stops really and we can all find ways to do things differently and I think it is imperative that we do. We are super proud. Congratulations!

Beings IN love

Wow, last night was a great one. Can’t remember the last time we actually went out and socialized like that. Our friends who have worked on cruise ships for almost ten years stopped in Vancouver last night. The fantastic duo is actually getting married soon and will embark on a new life together, on land. A wedding I wish we could attend, nonetheless, we had a fantastic night celebrating their return as guests kept coming through the doors, and the seats around our tables grew each hour. We were entertained by the talented songstress Jenny Galt, who will be performing with her band, Army of Jennys, this Wednesday May 13th at the Backstage Lounge on Granville Island. Be there too! With our front row entourage tonight the joy was abundant, the laughs plenty and smiles were overflowing like our drinks.

It was a great diverse group of friends and colleagues who came out to see our friends “the Cruisers” last night. We had musicians, writers, photographers, filmmakers, a fireman, a cop, a nurse, art dealers, philanthropists, animators and more. It was great to be out again talking to people face to face. Since I’ve been catching up on my time with my son, now I slowly feel a natural shift to up the social ante again. For the first part of this year I realize that my social life centered on my son, parks and online communities. Now it feels like the time spent gathering and building these networks is showing its full effects. For instance last night was all communicated through Facebook and phone calls to organize our party caravan. Even Jenny Galt gave a shout out on stage to her Twitter friends, right up to tweeting Steve Carty on the east coast who was still amused at midnight with our tweets.



The group left the Granville Street corridor and headed to the unpredictable Gastown area to finish up the night. After coming to grips with our lack of clout with any bouncers we found a place with no line-ups but with expensive drinks to make up for it. The group would get smaller as the night grew longer. Plans exchanged and promises set as cabs line up and our last three parties depart.

Today I am at one of my favorite places to be on a sun soaked Saturday morning in Vancouver. Our patio. Soon the Cruisers will come by and I will cook them a final meal before they ship ahoy tonight. Paella is my specialty. Last night we filled up on love and friendship and an ocean of time that had passed between many of us. I am feeling super blessed and giving massive praise for this sweet gift of life. I am filled with words, I am filled with music and somewhere in all of my being I feel the remix coming closer to releasing through the edges of my fingertips. I am bursting with inspiration as I prepare for more constant dedication in creating this constant circle of love.

Lights, Camera, Action!

Yesterday I was Mr. Daddy Daycare. I had a great indoor play day on a rainy filled week. By the afternoon, when child number two was dropped off for a while, the living room looked like Toys R Us had vomited everywhere. The carpet was a minefield of building blocks, train tracks, hotwheels and locomotives, balls, hockey sticks and more balls. We had a blast building miniature cities with roadways and railroads as we all rolled on the ground and really got into playtime together.

In the middle of our hallway hockey night in Canada moment the phone rang as I made an amazing save with my face! As I got double teamed by two laughing midgets wielding hockey sticks in the air I reached for the phone, it’s my agent. My agent, ha-ha, makes me laugh just saying that. My wife and son have an agent, since they are the one’s who actually land auditions. But one day we ran into the agent while shopping and she said that I should send her my photo. So a few months ago being freshly unemployed I said why the hell not. I’ve never been interested in acting but I thought you never know, maybe one day you just happen to look like what they are looking for, give it a shot. The auditions are short and painless and it’s liberating not being attached to the results. So far I’ve auditioned for commercials for the cancer society and a Coors Mexico spot, which actually came down to me and another guy. Hilarious.

So my agent asks if I can go to an audition for today. Well the details alone on this spot inspired a lot of dreaming last night.

Shooting in either Europe or Shanghai, 4-6 shooting days
$500 session fee for 10hrs, overtime at $100 per hr.
All ground and air travel, hotel paid by production.
Buyout range from $4500-$10,000 depending on acting experience.

Jacques
He is in his late 30's. He is Italian or South France type of guy. Dark hair, good looking, elegant appearance and an amazing smile. Maybe even with light eyes. He is the leader of the group and keeps them together. Looking for strong acting. Black suit, white shirt, no tie, elegant.

Brad
He is young fighter and racer in his early 30's, much younger than Jaques. The "American dream“, blond guy who every woman checks out. Maybe short hair, very sporty and very classy. Looking for strong acting. Light suits. Beige or white. White shirt can have a big collar. Cool sunglasses.

Scene
Brad is driving the car while Jacques is the passenger.
They are in a hurry and as and they pass a speed-limit sign ..... ignoring it, of course.
But then..... suddenly the car slows down by itself.
Via a navigation-system it knows where you are and how fast you are allowed to drive.
So Jacques gives Brad a certain kind of look....saying " what´s wrong, why do you slow down - we are in a HURRY !

So looking devilishly handsome this morning, as my wife strategically mentioned massaging my ego nicely, I grabbed the next bus wearing my suit on route to the audition at Shoreline Studios. Jacques was on his way! As I approached the building it was like a scene from the Matrix as Neo-Jacques’ converged from all corners of the street and headed to the front door. Everyone I saw I either said “hello Jacques” or “hello Brad” as I jokingly stayed in character. When I arrived into the holding room there was only one Brad surrounded by a group of dark haired Jacques’ and he looked like the perfect Brad. He had a cool name too – Connor Roach! So I filled out my form quickly and handed it in to the casting assistant. A couple minutes later I’m told I’m next and I will go in with Mr. Roach. This is where my heartbeat rises sharply and fast. Some deep breathing and a quick perusal over the script and we are called into the audition room.

Inside the casting director and videographer sit behind the desk getting ready for us. We slate for the camera stating our names and then giving them our profiles.

“Okay, we’ll do two takes. First one silent and then the second one ad-lib, okay.”

Mr. Roach and myself walk up to the two chairs and hop in like it’s a car. I put on my seat belt while he starts the engine and we are off driving through the hills of some undisclosed European locale, looking fabulously cool of course. Until the car automatically slows down around a corner, this is my cue to raise my eyebrow and give him the WTF? look and I delivered! Our second take is even better as we get to ad-lib and take the scene a bit longer. We get some good hearty laughs from the casting director and that was it. Less than five minutes of acting and we are done. It felt good and its over. Back into the main room where I give a collective “Goodbyes Jacques’, Goodbye Brads.” I decide to walk home in my nice suit dreaming of a $15,000 paycheque.

Oh ya, I forgot to mention, after the agent called for me yesterday she called back an hour later, this time to book my son for an audition the same day! Lights, camera, action!

Burst of Word vs. Back In The Summer of '99

Burst of Word

Dreamlike tendencies taking over me, watching the cascading words pile up and start to suffocate. Reach for the old fashioned and faithful pen to capture or crash this flow. So you need this to be easily repeated just an endless mirror we keep feeding, the written word and its’ merit. From scriptures to Shakespeare, from television to twitter and everything in the middle, storytelling never stops. Sharing never stops because communicating is endless. Nature is always communicating; silently telling the bees the flowers are ready or screaming loudly with tidal waves telling us all, the infinite circle of life and death. These deep breaths of Pacific Ocean cool align my spine and open my eyes with a smile. I can see the shadow storms brewing in the distance just as I can feel the warm winds with the change in tide. But there is nothing like the sunburst soak on a sunny drenched afternoon to let loose the noose around the words you dare not say. Words that only play in your head while others fall to this page.



Back In The Summer of ‘99

Any attempt to cloak the truth, could never work, and could never prove. So the charade signals the game to finally begin. While the afternoons can help blossom the cherry delights, the secrets are revealed by moonlight. The days brink on torturous as the sun and clouds rule and anticipation sits idle in the wings. The mind contributes an ounce more of punishment for your pain. Your cranial projector plays back a lifetime of favorite scenes, reminding yourself to keep loving and living. Meanwhile the banality of the reality projector can freeze you in your time warp leaving you clawing for air and a return to this page. You scream for vengeance to bring back the moments we lost ourselves in, where time was all the seasons rolled into one. Each embrace electrifies dormant embers surrounding the heart. Now is the time to stoke the fire and let those flames grow higher and higher. Gather around and let the heat stroke your skin and lets burn new memories into our minds and hearts. Fire keeper keep it lit through days and nights and let the new air breathe in new life, like we were back in the Summer of ’99.

When She Dances With The Sun

casablanca nights have passed with the southern winds
the new air breathes with a flamenco jump in her step
shuddering deep in the sadness, a tear of joy surfaces to the top
a song is chirping above with the fist of god drumming the beat
it is alive and so blessed as it soars and thrives
each note strikes its chord as our shadows pass in the corridor we unite in the hall with dancing feet
maestro raises his arms
we embrace, we meet, we feel
now we dance
maestro takes us away
where the sun kissed you first with each sunrise and the ocean held you endlessly
take me rushing through our youth then bring me back at once
let this heart flourish in your garden of love and wisdom
clear my intentions to bring about peace
bless these fingers to move you with melody and rhythm
canta, canta
guitarra, guitarra
I’ll trip away with you

I’ve started writing again and it all started with a sun soaked poem. Today it started again with a twitch (twitcher coming soon). No I don’t twit, tweet or dig, nor did I stumbleupon anything delicious on my way through facebook but I promise to stay linked in. Midnight, can’t sleep, won’t sleep. Mstrkrft pumping in my headphones. Fireplace keeps me warm, my loves asleep. Time to write.

Okay so now I have joined Twitter but still unsure of its merit and wonder if our consumerism tendencies are getting the best of the web. How many more social networks will we all abandon for the next one? Does anything have staying power anymore? I’m using Twitter to spread my writing, Chico Sousa, see how that goes. All this writing is causing old writing memories to pop in to my head, like writing on the porch on Foxbar in Toronto until my fingers were cold and numb at four in the morning. Tonight on this porch in Vancouver the night feels as though it is getting warmer. Our garden has been planted with strawberries, tomatoes, herbs and more. The sounds of Friday night are in the air. The music on the streets is louder, the laughter heartier, there is a common release, relief, in the air.

Now it seems that all I do when I get a free moment is pick up this pen and let it rip. When I was younger this is where I would go to get everything off my chest. Empty my head so I can fill up my heart again. Today the sun has vanished for the day now leaving us breaking up clouds around the moon with our minds. The wind passes by my well-traveled sandals and through my toes. Once again simply thankful for this moment to reflect and write. I’m thankful not to be running for my life, fleeing from my country, killing to eat or selling myself to survive. Apparently there is a swine flu epidemic in the works and from our research, it was done on purpose by the same company that will offer the vaccine, Baxter. Some people think this is the end, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse riding to the final sunset.

What a nice long day. The days of Ben waking up early and then crawling into bed with us for forty more winks are gone. Up just after six a.m. this morning there was no falling back to sleep, just a lot of jumping, diving and running on the spot. So Ben and I got up and started the morning. After a great big breakfast of eggs, ham (swine flu but go ahead and have some bacon they say), hash browns and toast we are now soaking up the sun once again.

Once playtime had been established I found some new music and checked out what’s happening on my web pages – Facebook, Twitter, Blogger and phreeagent.com. I received some great responses to my latest Observation and had fifteen new people join the ChicoDaily group on Facebook. So as mentioned, I joined Twitter as Chico Sousa – the unknown poet of love and labour. I’ll be using Twitter to stay connected with liked minded folk and to spread my words in hopes that someone who knows someone who knows someone else falls in love with these oral paintings.

Meanwhile the focus at home is the future plans. Where to live, what else do we need, emergency preparedness, all the stuff most don’t want to talk about but we do daily. I have mixed feelings about the current state of the world. Things I’ve been talking and writing about for a while, about the corrupt powers that exist within corporations, governments and worldwide governing organizations. This whole swine flu is taken right out of their game book and we are the visiting team without a quarterback. All I can do is create the best world around my family, friends and community and let those vibrations ripple across the water. Once again very thankful.