Soundbytes like Vagina Machine!

“They were all drunk, they won’t remember a thing.”
“But my dress – “
“Oh yes, except the dress thing, right.”

It’s midnight on the avenue. Two cyclists discuss the night’s antics as they pass by going west, while a white mustang pulls out from the brothel and heads east. The wind is quite strong tonight and it comes in quick bursts. It sets off a symphony of sounds through the house as the blinds shutter, the door creeps slowly and outside you can hear the patio umbrella teetering against the fence. I sit by the open window staring into the empty street and as a gust of wind raises the hair on my arms, a cab pulls up in front. The cab driver waits for his passenger.

Time passes and still no one claims the cab. Meanwhile, the cab driver has been cleaning up the car and is now in the backseat tidying up. Still no one comes. He leans against the car and stares up at our building as he taps his fingers impatiently on the roof. He gets back into the car and at that very moment, the building door opens and a young couple shuffle into the cab.

“Sorry about that, 8th and Manitoba please.”

The wind dies down and the street is temporarily silent again. As I start to think about the past week’s events, a dark Mercedes pulls into the underground parking lot with David Bowie blaring Putting Out The Fire through the speakers. Now fire trucks are screaming loudly and fiercely blowing their horns in the near distance. To the rescue. Meanwhile, another regular visitor to the brothel below casually departs with his sandals dragging along behind him looking as though he lives next door. A couple girls follow outside for a quick smoke break and another girl shows up for her shift and walks inside. Two neighbourhood cats join in, Greywolf & Kittykat, purring for some affection.

I’m trying to find a good segue way into the best couple of soundbytes from the past week but it is deeming to be impossible. I’ll just dive in. Playing with my son and various other children lately you hear the most interesting dialogues. Sometimes the dialogue may be directed at you, as was the case the other weekend, when I was told by a four year old just how he felt about me.

“You, you, you’re just a stinky man whore!”



I stood there for a few seconds without a clue what to say. I was taken right off guard hearing him call me a stinky man whore. It was simply hilarious to hear someone say that to me, made even funnier coming out of his little mouth, but today I may have heard the kicker. At a birthday party full of five year olds, a boy and a girl wrestled in the grass while another boy watching exclaimed,

“He’s got her in the vagina machine!”

Five year olds. Wow. Hilarious and scary at the same time, as a small sea of parents jaws drop while they hold back their laughter. Some of the best things written are things said by others.

This morning my son is on a mission to water all the vegetables in the garden. He just keeps saying over and over,

“Yah Yah, Yah Yah.”

That’s how he says water. So the water game begins. I use the big watering can to fill his own little watering can then he just turns right back and puts the water back into my can again. Tired with the cans, next he uses his drinking cup to water the plants before abandoning the entire mission for some sidewalk chalk. He’s starting to enjoy drawing and writing more.

“X-ah, Y-ah.”

He shouts out the letters as he writes them and while the penmanship is amateur it is definitely the letters x and y. Once again the sun is piercing in Van city, as he fills the patio with his inner city chalk tags. The hot weather and quiet morning remind me of the island again.

Last nights gusts of winds are today’s welcoming breezes. Here we are again with a temporary silence. No passing cars, no emergency helicopters fly by, no belching bachelor party limo pulling up for a 4am booty purchase. Just the sun, wind, plants and birds creating the silence…. until service breaks and the doors open at the Kingdom Hall. The laughter and chatter that fills the streets like a raucous chorus from a family reunion, replaces all the silence. Oh the city’s vibrant sounds and colour.

“The city versus the island life. I still love them both.”