Power of Intention

My fellow writer in the great lay off of 2009 emailed me today and she mentioned Dr. Wayne Dyer and the power of intention, a power that I know so well. A power that I know is currently not working at maximum capacity. A simple definition for intention is: “to have in mind a purpose or plan, to direct the mind, to aim.” Without that intention we simply stumble around without any real direction or meaning.

Today ends the second week of unemployment. We continue to stay positive scouring through every website with job listings as we read the latest headlines about record-breaking unemployment levels everywhere. This morning the stories continue south of the border with “Tough choices for America’s hungry” and here at home “McGuinty warns of multi-year deficits for Ontario.” Somehow we manage to laugh it off and continue to move forward, one more call, one more resume, one more website. Networking. We are great communicators and intelligent hard workers, we will attract something soon…er or later. Which brings me to the power of intention.



I recall moments with intentions so straightforward, highly visual and believable, that they of course came to light. From meeting my soul mate to starting my own business, having that unwavering intention has lead me to great experiences. While attending university, I knew without a doubt that I was destined to work for a record company. I remember it all so vividly because one way or another, I was helping create it all.

I started out with the only independent record company in London, Auto Records, owned at the time by composer Peter Brennan. The first band I brought back to the label was called Grandeur of Ghosts, lead by the very talented Shawn Creamer. Those were amazing times where I started to listen to even more and more music than I could get my hands on to. This was when I really got hooked on music, now I was directly connected to those who were being inspired to write and perform. I had found my true place. It felt right. Grandeur of Ghosts, Buckshot Enema, Finnegan’s Treehouse, Elevator Bugs, these were just a few of the local bands inspiring me to continue after the dream.

This is where pure intention comes into the picture. I had already spent much of my youth imagining myself working at a major record label. I imagined talking to dj’s about certain albums that they just had to play. I imagined myself night after night out in downtown Toronto walking past long line-ups and heading into to see the hottest new bands. I imagined all my job interviews happening with Warner, A&M, Motown and then having to sit back and choose which company to join. (ha! There was never a bidding war for my services!) Resume after resume went out the door to everyone in the industry. Eventually they would all hear about me and someone would see the potential. That day did eventually happen and the rest is history.

Today I find myself in a different position. Now that pure intention, that vision, is not as clear and naïve as it was fifteen years ago. Now it is simply a vision to take care of my family and get a pay cheque rolling in again. That is the immediate and my mind has yet to imagine something grander. How can it, in these uncertain times? It is almost like I can’t waste time dreaming right now and I just need to take care of business. If you know me at all you understand the challenge but you also know I shall always overcome. I have not given up on the power of intention. I’m intent on becoming employed and from there, eventually rediscovering the road less traveled.

In the Toronto Star the other day was a great article about The Dakota Tavern. Shawn Creamer is now the co-owner of the club and is also in the band The Beauties who play every Sunday. Way to go!! Reading about the Dakota brought back all these memories of that career searching time after graduation. Of course things are very much different today as we sort out this new direction amidst the paradigm shift, a shift I welcome with open arms.

http://www.thestar.com/Entertainment/article/580263

Substance of time

January 5, 2009 Monday

A few days into the New Year and my first moment to just sit and write, take it all in. After a brief discussion in the kitchen we both agreed to take Ben’s current nap time and just write. Solace within. Sometimes these are great moments to assist the creative flow. The many wells of inspiration found all around us like family, to share in the love and help create. I remember my brother mentioning it one night after….

It all started on December 20th as our plane set to depart to Toronto; we sat patiently on the tarmac for three hours, eventually lifting off with the last passengers to fly out of Vancouver airport that day before it shut down due to the weather. We then missed our connector flight in Toronto then finding another flight and finally landing in London with no luggage. Despite the weather and the outdated airline customer service, we arrived alive in 2009.

As I stop to think for a bit, I know he’ll be up sooner with each passing moment as I laugh while writing at a feverish pace. The family Christmas caravan this year was a momentous one full of love, loss, laughter, tears and joy. We watched them all play and we played along with them all. We remembered and rejoiced, forgave and wept. We engaged with the youngest at three months, Eli, with a wonderful adventure to Toronto Island with the Cartys, then with the eldest Armando & Bemvida Sousa at ninety plus years of life. We had the blessings to spend time with so many in a quick twelve days. Over fifty people that you love but only so much time to spend with them all and still not see everyone. The joy was within the company but for the most part most visits only scratched the surface of engagement and one can only draw upon childhood memories from the luxury of our past to make up the rest. Memories where families visited sometimes for four to five hours, a day full of running, games, time wasters, naps, great meals, cards, time outs, misbehaving and shoes across your ass.

The substance of time. Although there is a deep loving connection with each family visit, the time is far too brief to allow all that one may yearn to share and discuss. My greatest moments were simply as a joyful observer watching my son engage in play with all of his relatives. Chasing back and forth with Vanessa, playing basketball with Philip, rocking out to guitar hero with Jordan, premium hanging out time with Lydia and going up and down, up and down the staircases. He mastered ping-pong by placing the ball at the edge of the table and then smashing it with his paddle as if he was playing tee ball. He petted big dogs and fed them treats, he shied away from dogs his size, and he intimidated and taunted the smallest as he puffed out his chest with a smile. And everywhere there was choo-choo, choo-choo. Everywhere. Thanks Uncle Rick!



So many unique and wonderful memories this year and unfortunately far too many missed still. Today is the last day of hearing choo-choo, choo-choo all the time except for the couple hours I will see him as I return back from work each night. This is where my fingers stop for many minutes. Waiting to write the next words, the next thoughts. What will the next year bring? How can I spend more time with my son and my love? Is this the year to the valley? To the hills? Write that bestseller, grow our own food and watch him grow like a tree in the woods.

January 6, 2009 Tuesday

It’s my first day back to work and things are quiet. The snow covered city is now a veil of mist and rain as the snow begins to retreat down the streets and into the rivers. The phones are silent and even the emails bare no life today. Still, when I was called into his office at 4:30 this afternoon it still felt unexpected. Yes, today I have joined the thousands who have been laid off as a result of the sweeping decline in our economy. Happy New Year!



It looks like Ace Film just made it to its 20th anniversary and will eventually close down on that note. I am full of mixed emotions that for the most part, have left me feeling numb and saddened. Those feelings will subside and will move towards an excited and inspired motivation to find a new opportunity to be of service, grow and provide for my family. The continuing efforts to stay in touch with so many people I can only hope will now help me on this journey. Ace has been good to us and I am thankful for the opportunities that were made available over the years. It is now time to create that picture of what we really want in our thoughts and bring that powerful vision to life.

The Final Weeks

(best read while accompanied by A Taste For Faith, the new mix by thePAsystem)

Sunday

I don’t want to think. I just want to write. Despite a Vancouver weekend full of rain we all managed to have a fun and busy weekend. I had some great time with Ben as well as a fabulous evening watching him play with his best friend Liam, who is only five days older. Robert Doisneau moments like The Kiss at the bus top with my love. Still, I realize I have a hard time not thinking and editing while writing and still underneath it all, compelled to deliver something raw and from the hip. Something lacking all theory and…I digress, and realize once again, I am somehow apologizing for trying to call myself a writer. And for that matter, calling myself anything at all unless someone else has accredited myself as so.


Meanwhile, my hands lay to rest naturally spread atop the keyboard, breathing, patiently waiting the next stream of consciousness to be painted upon this white canvas. They seem to take much longer than usual, full of unrepentant dialectic energy that has an unforgiving edit rate.

Finally, I succumb to dis-visualiation of the keyboard and full out…ok, let’s try it…astral projection diatribe.

Outside it still rains and inside the angels sleep while I play with words. An attempt to release and connect, share and help, help each other find and enjoy their own silence.

11:11 p.m.

Or

12:11, 12:12 p.m.

Outside the lines, splashing outside the tub. Jumping higher and swimming deeper. Dreams and ambitions, why are you doing anything? Calling, a sign or a force. What you believe and give energy to and somehow others may also give energy towards.

Friday

Two more days left to fill the week, and what a week it was. On Tuesday Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of America, not the United States of America, as they haven’t been united for many years. No, it’s the new America that you’ll hear more mention of in the coming weeks. The new old you may say. Who bloody knows and who really cares anymore. So enough of that, I’m not sure how much I want to write or discuss politics out here in the cyber-trap that I so enjoy anyway.


No, tonight it may just be about music this time around. Sitting down with a fresh Brooklyn Lager and starting off with some tracks featured on the winniecooper website that Sammy put me on to. Sammy was one of the first people I could talk about music all day long with when I first moved out to the west coast. He’s definitely part of the Track Pack, a small group of music junkies that I love sharing all kinds of music with. The Shea Bros, Jas, Carty, Pablo, Potvin and many others who I haven’t been in touch with for awhile. Ah, for the love of music.

Next Friday

The creative stroke has found its way through the November rain as we come closer to bidding adieu to 2008. Although it is the creative flow that truly inspires me it is not what pays the bills.

I produce commercials and I don’t even have cable, in fact, our offices don’t even have cable either. By day I am a television commercial producer helping clients get their vision for their products or services on the old fashioned and out dated television tube. I never set out to get into this business but the company and the position allows me to facilitate my creative side and for that I’m thankful. I don’t watch any television program regularly and when I’m in the mood for a fix I’ll download an episode of Survivorman, Entourage or Boston Legal but for the most part I watch more films and documentaries.

As I pick this piece of paper up again and continue writing I realize this will probably be the last entry for 2008. It has already been over a week in writing and time is passing by quickly as we enter December. The music of The Last Shadow Puppets plays to a room of two at the moment. The song Black Plant gathers speed half way through after leading you on this secret agent vibe – what a track. So, I’ll include here my favourite albums and most played tracks too. Thinking ahead, I should just publish this the same time I finish my last music mix too. Perfect. So I’m back where I started listening and writing about music. Pfft.

Monday

I really have no idea where this observation is going. Right now it seems to be a hodgepodge of thoughts over the last couple of weeks. What stands out for me in these last months of 2008? Hmmm….that is a loaded question and how much of the answer do I really want to reveal here? How much do I want to share with you? Isn’t that what writing is – sharing the written word whether it be fictional or based loosely on reality? I know that even today the written word is up for debate as conventional and established writers scoff at the minions hording on to the internet and logging themselves in as the latest blogging sensations.

I guess that has been my personal dilemma since having a child. My thoughts and observations in some respect seem almost a moot point in relation to the parenting of my child. These are such uncertain times and this heavy heart weighs in on this Monday like every Monday, what are we doing here? Why are we working away like slaves in a world system that is not fair and simply not working for everyone. A general strike is too far fetched I suspect. I guess this is the part of me that connects and relates to all my brothers and sisters worldwide that are without clean water, food and a safe home. I relate not because I fear it but because I see it already happening here in my own native land. So one part of me plans away the future with complete awareness of what is going on while the other half of me holds on to the optimism and positivism that brought me this far.

Thursday


First there was the Coalition of the Willing now in Canada there is simply the Coalition. The three headed, no two headed – three way speaking Coalition of the Leaderless. While many of us were excited at the possibility of overthrowing the ultra conservative and secretive Tory party out of power, the front page of today’s paper reveals a different story. “Truly scared” Canadians blame all parties but would give Tories a majority – in the event of an election. Seriously? I guess our politics have finally reached the same ridiculous level as that of our southern cousins. I’m starting to really question whom this majority of Canadians really are and what do they care about. If there is another bloody election I have the perfect campaign song and platform for the ball-less Tory party – “My Mistakes Were Made For You,” by the Last of The Shadow Puppets.

Friday after next Friday

We are all connected. Last night I watched a documentary called Everything’s Cool about the global warming debate. It concentrated on how the great chasm was created between the thousands of scientist reports about global warming and the critics fighting against it, most of them hired by the oil companies. I no longer felt lonely after listening to Ross Gelbspan, a Pulitzer Prize winning writer and journalist, who was one of the first to begin writing about the problem. But after nearly twenty years Ross was quitting the fight. He had been published everywhere for years and while he saw the issue go from a number one priority to a discredited priority and back again he was still losing hope. By the end of the film he does come around and begins to share his evidence with high school students and is again invigorated with the dream. I felt his urgency and his sadness.

From the uncertainty of the invisible hand ruling this world to the regular bouts of artist regression via the lonely creative road, I too have fought with the lack of hope. I have hope in the citizenry as I witness the personal change in so many of us over the last ten years and the relentless and life altering love and guidance our son receives from his amazing mother in these unforgiving times. Creatively I am filled with hope again and a rejuvenated flow as I am inspired by my peers like the writings of Sara Bynoe, the musical excursions of Teflon Buddha and the imagery of Steve Carty. It is a struggle but one that I am coming closer to fully accepting and embracing so that it will continue to fuel my passion for life.

I am very thankful for this past year. I am thankful for my health in this cancerous world. I am thankful for my city of Vancouver and our home in a world where millions are homeless. I am thankful for the friends and family who do visit or call instead of considering a poke on Facebook as friendship. I am thankful for my parents who lead with love and who brought me into existence instead of being locked with fear. I am thankful for the love of my life and the child our love created. I am thankful for mother nature who continues to give us life despite our attempts to kill her. I am thankful to be alive today. I am thankful to be in a state of thankfulness. I thank you for taking the time to read Chico’s Observations. Lead with love. Peace.



Most Played Albums in 2008

1. Flying Lotus - Los Angeles
2. David Holmes - Holy Pictures
3. The Fratellis - Here We Stand
4. Islands - Arm’s Way
5. The Kooks - Konk
6. Portugal The Man - Censored Colors
7. Cut Copy - In Ghost Colours
8. Vampires Weekend - Vampires Weekend
9. Of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping
10. Atmosphere - When Life Gives You Lemons You Paint That Shit Gold
11. David Arnold - James Bond:Quantum of Solace Soundtrack
12. Scott Weiland - Happy in Galoshes
13. Rodrigo Y Gabriela - Rodrigo Y Gabriela
14. Cold War Kids - Loyalty to Loyalty
15. The Last Shadow Puppets - The Age of Understatement
16. John Legend - Evolver
17. Grand Analog - Calligraffiti
18. The Raveonettes - Lust Lust Lust
19. The Black Keys - Attack and Release
20. Shad - The Old Prince

Most Played Tracks in 2008

1. Rays - La Mode
2. Shake It - Metro Station
3. Shiller - Ratatat
4. Always Where I need to be - The Kooks
5. Time To Pretend - MGMT
6. Stairway to Heaven - Rodrigo Y Gabriela
7. Till I Walk Alone - Grand Analog
8. Poker Face - Lady Gaga
9. Beach in Hawaii - Ziggy Marley
10. Troublemaker- Weezer

Cha-Ching!

On my never ending journey to find the truth there have been many storytellers who shared their stories through short films, documentaries or presentations. When the film Zeitgeist came out I found it to be a great summary of many of the truths and a complimentary source to another great documentary -
The Esoteric Agenda.

So, with the current economic situation deterioriating I watched a couple of films about money this weekend. The first one is a animated narrative called Money as Debt and the second film was part II of Zeitgeist, the Addendum, which goes deep into the financial systems of America as we know it.

So do many of us already know and believe that our current systems are ineffective and crumbling but we still want to move forward anyways along with it? Or are many of us getting ready to finally shut it all off and start new again? I'm sure there are some of us that truly believe this is only an America problem.

Here are some of the suggestions mentioned in the film. Thoughts? Discussion?

zeitgeist |ˈtsītˌgīst; ˈzīt-|noun [in sing. ]

the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time : the story captured the zeitgeist of the late 1960s.
ORIGIN mid 19th cent.: from German Zeitgeist, from Zeit ‘time’ +Geist ‘spirit.’

ACTIONS FOR SOCIAL TRANSFORMATION

1.EXPOSE THE FEDERAL CARTEL
- boycott citibank, jp morgan, bank of america

2. BOYCOTT THE NEWS NETWORKS
- Use and Protect the Internet

3. BOYCOTT THE MILITARY

4. BOYCOTT THE ENERGY COMPANIES
- get off the grid and make your home & car self-sustainable

5. REJECT THE POLITICAL SYSTEM
- focus on working to dissolve the outdated system of politics, in
favour of technological redesign

6. CREATE CRITICAL MASS
- www.thezeitgeistmovement.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVkFb26u9g8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kHhc67GopM&feature=related

Am I just dreaming?

I don’t rap, I don’t sing, just a writer trying to make sense of things
I think all day and write all night, find the way to illuminate the light
Am I just dreaming in a world that’s come undone?
Am I just dreaming or am I just having so much fun
Let it last so, so long
Am I just dreaming, I don’t know?
Does it all have to make sweet sense?
Will our hearts then finally rest? While our minds take the final test
I don’t shoot, I don’t kill, just a writer trying to pay the bills
I work all day and write all night, find the way to share this life
Am I just dreaming in a world of wonder
Am I just dreaming, oh no Madonna
Let it last way past tomorrow
Am I just dreaming, I don’t think so
Does it all have to make sweet sense?
Will our hearts then finally rest? While our minds take another test
I don’t strum, I don’t drum, just a writer trying to make you hum along
Make you want to write this song
As you pour it out your lungs, oh baby you haven’t heard enough
Until you hear that back beat break in and then walk right out again
Until you hear that back beat break in and then turn around, and walk right out again
Forget the time you read over all the rules and still you misunderstood
So you forged ahead again and never turned back your head
Then things got tired just like these last few funky lines
I don’t talk, I lost my tongue, just a writer with working fingers, thank god
I think all day and write all night, with my dragon love and fire child
Am I just dreaming that this world will come to an end
While a new one awaits us where we will all unite as friends
Let it last so, so long
Am I just dreaming, I don’t think so
Am I just dreaming?

© Chico Sousa 2008

Hello Truth, Wherever You Are

Well I could sit down and begin to decipher and organize all the thoughts and feelings that are inspiring this moment of written word. Maybe I could shape an outline first, then develop it into a nice story according to all the writing rules that exist, but lately I find myself back where I started years ago. Simply allowing the words and expressions to come out of me unaltered, raw. People seem to connect with it, so why fight it. It may leave me an unpublished author until my death but such is life, and death.

I guess I wish the whole world could just stop! At least for one full day so everyone can have a chance to just listen and truly take stock of one’s life and the wonderful life that surrounds us. Let everyone rest from his or her worries and fears. One seems never to have enough time to do so and even when they do it is marred with interruptions and distractions. If we all had this opportunity would we not see that we are all going in different directions and we are all responsible for our global disconnect? We could all stop to catch the same frequency and realign ourselves with natural timing. In other words, our complaints and suffering would cease to exist if we could stop the mechanisms of global living so we could rest and find the truth to end the lies. Come together and help one another, share with each other, all truths. These truths travel time by spreading information to all those who are in the dark, through an army of storytellers.

I just finished reading a booked called Confessions of an Economic Hit Man. As the story plays out, unfolding America’s true colours of imperialism from Vietnam, Saudi Arabia all the way to Iraq and Iran, the question still arises from readers -what can we do? Of course the basics come out again and again, write to this person and that person, make your choices with your dollars and your mind. Yet, so much of this information has been available for decades while our suspicions run rampant, but still here we are looking for more answers. When we find some free time. We are barely given enough time to grieve and to enjoy life let alone the time and patience to seek all truths.

So what truths have been kept from us? Or are they simply assumptions that the rest of us unwillingly are simply assuming. Is it just the way it is? The current cover story from Adbusters magazine, talks about how the hipster is the dead end of Western Civilization. In the article the author summarizes –

“We are a lost generation, desperately clinging to anything that feels real, but too afraid to become it ourselves. We are a defeated generation, resigned to the hypocrisy of those before us, who once sang songs of rebellion and now sell them back to us. We are the last generation, a culmination of all previous things, destroyed by the vapidity that surrounds us. The hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture so detached and disconnected that it has stopped giving birth to anything new.”

Although I find his generalizations rather simplistic I did find this article very interesting but a strong part of me relates to the hipster in that I can see how some of us have come to this point. I strongly believe that despite all of our efforts with the worldwide protests that ensued after 9/11 in response to the US decision to invade Iraq, that for millions of us, the wind under our sails was extinguished. It was a major blow to our collective consciousness and it has taken years for us to rise again. Now, millions of us believe that nature itself will lead the final blow back to the system. A system that we must finally believe has never behaved for the greater good of this planet and all of its inhabitants. Have you ever heard of a planet called Nibiru? I feel Jon flying around me nudging my elbow that sets these fingers into motion. He wants the truth to be set free too. Let us raise our children to set sail and live in a time of freedom that is unaltered, raw and breathes new life into one that is dying a very slow death.

The lights have dimmed but still shine bright

Friday
July 4, 2008

It’s one in the afternoon and I’ve just finished eating an over priced breakfast in the Calgary airport. I’m awaiting my flight to London since leaving Vancouver earlier this morning.

I have kept all electronic devices to a minimum this time. No laptop as I go back to my old school roots with pen and paper! I do have a Blackberry which I check Facebook now and again, reading over everyone’s thoughts and tears about Jonathan’s tragic death. The day after Canada Day celebrations, my 17-year-old cousin and his best friend Dan were killed instantly in a car accident. Today is the US July 4th celebrations and this weekend we will bury two young shining stars who’s light dimmed far too early. And only dim they will for their light will never be gone. The outpouring of love and sadness in Strathroy and London is incredible from what I’ve witnessed all the way from the west coast. Their tribute page on Facebook is far past 500 people already and I can feel the loss and pain of all their high school friends and family.

It’s definitely a tragic moment in our family. I can feel the intensity of it all escalating as I get closer to seeing all my family again. It’s been just over a month since we were all together celebrating my Ben’s first birthday. Now we are all united again. I wish we could all move smoothly into honouring his life, celebrating it all instead of mourning it all. Death is a complicated beast that holds so many different meanings to every person. I’m praying for my whole family, especially Jon’s parents and two sisters Mackenzie & Monique to find peace and serenity in the midst of chaos. Part of me is happy to be able to come back home and lend my hand and all my love. Another part of me is almost overwhelmed with the sadness that lies ahead on this journey. Many years ago in London another tragic event in our family took away a father and a mother leaving the children behind. It rocked the community and our families very hard, as it was the top story in the news. In today’s London Free Press, the story of Jonathan and Dan was printed. It is still all very hard to believe.

My thoughts are on a Ferris wheel. The circle of thoughts goes round and round. My last memories of Jonathan was from Christmas and my last family reunion, thoughts of his family and their sadness, thoughts of all my family and how this affects them, my own brother who I hope outlives me by 125 years, my amazing wife and precious son. All of these thoughts while I sit in the middle of the Calgary airport filled with cowboy hats and partygoers ready to get their drunk on for Stampede. Can’t help think that Clo & Celeste would love Calgary.

Looks like my plane has arrived. Next stop London where my brother picks me up and we’ll head off straight to the visitations at the funeral home. I can’t help think how Jonathan was embarking on manhood and how I will miss finally connecting with him at that stage in life.


Monday
July 7, 2008

Well here it is my first chance to write again since and I’m back in Calgary en route home to Vancouver. What an emotional weekend. Friday night when I arrived my uncle, brother and godson picked me up and we headed to Strathroy for visitations at the funeral home. On the way there we stopped for a few minutes of reflection on Hickory Road at the spot of the fatal accident that took my cousin and his best friend. School friends had already begun leaving flowers, pictures and notes for the two young men. Two wooden crosses stood tall with both their names on them.

As we approached the funeral home the support was simply overwhelming. Two long lines coming from both sides of the funeral home that went alongside the roadside and around the corner. The funeral home was packed full of family, friends and many high school students. There were so many flower arrangements that they didn’t all fit in the funeral home. The visitations had started at 3:00 p.m. and it was now 9:00 p.m and the lines were still massive. The lines of people two thousand strong didn’t disappear until well past midnight and it had been a long, emotional and overwhelming day for everyone. Late that night my uncle, brother and I stayed up until sunrise serenading our cousin with an all night guitar jam.

What a gorgeous sunrise it was this Saturday too. A beautiful sunny day had arrived for us to lay these two young men to rest. The funeral service was over capacity with the church hall next door also full of hundreds of people watching the ceremony on a big screen. After the church we were in the funeral procession with two lines of cars headed down the streets and by the closed highway. The final stage at the cemetery was heart wrenching as we poured our emotions outside and into the air and trees all around us.

This is not an easy thing to write about and even now I am constantly hesitating with my pen. The entire weekend my thoughts would continue to jump from one person to another and how difficult this must be for them as it is for me. How unfair it all seemed losing two great young men. Although my cousin was twenty years younger than me I felt I knew him better than I ever did after this weekend, sadly. They touched the lives of so many people and they all shared their stories, love and support with us all and I thank them all for that.

After the cemetery hundreds showed up at the Portuguese Club where we all shared lunch together. After lunch my uncle and I went to watch my brother and godson play their soccer match. With black armbands on they hit the soccer pitch and dedicated the game to their young cousin Jonathan. That night the four of us performed one last serenade to our cousin.

I am now on a plane finally taking me home to Vancouver. It’s the first time I’ve left my one year old son and wife behind and I’m missing them big time. My eyes are dry and sore from the emotional weekend and the lack of sleep. I leave my hometown of London feeling sad about never seeing Jonathan again but I am also full of immense pride and joy for the legacy he leaves behind. I am so proud of the men and women in our families and the great children they are raising. I hope and pray that the Desa and Medeiros families can truly embrace the love and joyful spirit of their sons through the friends and family who all hold a piece of them in their hearts. This tragedy shook up two families, the community of Strathroy and their only high school. Now we begin the healing. Thank you Jonathan for your spirit, your kindness, your humour, your hard work and your brotherly love.

Wednesday
July 9, 2008

Today they are having a church service for Jonathan, which will be attended by our families and many others. I wish I could be there with you all. Since getting back in Vancouver our thoughts have been constantly with you all back in Ontario. The many text messages I have had with family, the phone calls, emails and Facebook chats have shown me without a doubt that Jonathan is still with us. It is only his physical form that has left us. There have been far too many signs for me to ignore the power of love and spirituality. Let us take joy and comfort in knowing that he now watches over us all with Gracinda and Francisco and many others who have left us before we had hoped. Rest in peace young prince. I love you.