Father Edition: Add Water & Smell His Flowers

After spending five minutes flicking my wrist like an olympic swordsman, I finally found the little white hand icon on the TV screen with my controller. My buddy lent me his Wii and I have to admit I have a little fetish for playing FIFA Soccer. (I know it's lame, but it's my lame!) So as the little man lays down for his nap after another night sleeping in our bed, I'll take this much needed little break. I'll have to investigate more into this 'mommy & daddy's bed' phase. Any other parents have their stories on this too? In the meantime, it is Portugal vs. the Netherlands.

Letters,Words and a Song

Today I thought I would share a rare glimpse into the daddy-day-care world here at Chico Daily. Despite the constant scribbling in my back-pocket-book and the late nights starting new paragraphs, finding real time to write something is difficult when I’m completely immersed with my son. This is not a complaint.

BEATS EDITION: Keep Yourself Alive - Best of 2009

Like many of you music junkies, I spent a lot of time obsessing with music when I was young. If we ever sit down to count up the hours it would blow our minds. From listening to radio, mixing tapes, talking to friends, going to shows, writing reviews, dj’ing, time in records stores, surfing, downloading, sharing, tweeting – blow our minds! Never mind if you are in a band to boot. For some of us it tapers off once we get older and settle down as you can tell from one’s music collection where the Bodyguard soundtrack is the most recent disc around. Today I feel like I’m taking more music in than ever before but it is not taking up as much of my time. I think artist/producer Chin Injeti said it best, “Now I can record a song in one day and then with a press of a button I can make it go to a thousand different places.”

Unconditional Soul in Haydain Neale

Today music is all over my brain. The last two nights I woke up in the morning with Jacksoul’s ‘Unconditional’ song stuck in my head. Haydain Neale, lead singer for the group, sadly passed away Sunday night at the young age of 39.

I’ve been replaying the last time he and I spoke over and over in my head. It was early on in my days working in the music industry in Toronto. I was working at PolyGram Music Publishing at the time searching the country for great songwriters just like Haydain. First time I saw the band at the Bamboo on Queen St. I was blown away with the musicianship on that stage and my arm was filled with goose bumps on hearing Haydain’s voice sing Unconditional.



We met again weeks later where we discussed music publishing, the Canadian music scene and Haydain being a father.

Julie and Julia, and Chico

It has been over a month since I last wrote, which does not bode well for a blog with the word DAILY in it. In truth, I have been struggling with direction lately. Well, my immediate direction and concentration hasn’t been a problem, taking on the stay at home father role, but leaping to the next direction of generating income again has been the challenge. Yet, it feels like I’m going to give birth to something great over the next little while.

Change my attitude, to gratitude

See these people lately?



I hated working in the financial industry. There was a time that I simply dreaded waking in the morning until it finally made me sick. One day I realized that I had to change. Change my attitude, to gratitude. That changed everything.

"I'm Huge on the Internet"

It is almost one in the afternoon and I have yet to turn on my computer. Usually the computer is on and I would have already checked all my email accounts, social networks and probably have tweeted a half dozen times by now. Not today. I’m attempting an impromptu digital detox of my own.

Can't Find A Vedder Man!

When I woke up yesterday morning I had one plan amongst all my errands for the day, to meet Pearl Jam. I managed to see their day schedule when they performed in Toronto. So around 3:30 they should arrive for sound check.

Two year olds, love and the Pearl Jam dream

Today I really feel like writing. Mind you, I write every day but today I am compelled after holding things to myself. The usual writer’s dilemma, how much do I want to share and reveal today, what is the purpose? The purpose is the same as it has been since grade two. To share stories, observations and ideas with others, so that those words may inspire, entertain and sometimes provoke you.

"I ran, I ran so far away....."

Sept 19.09

I ran a marathon today. Well, not a full marathon and not even a half marathon, a quarter marathon? It was part of the 5peaks Trail Running Series. I ran eleven kilometers around Buntzen Lake in one hour and eleven minutes. The last time I competed in a race would have been in high school.

The Adventure

When I returned home from the Young Men’s Adventure Weekend (YMAW), my gorgeous wife and my entertaining son greeted me at the front door of our building. He looked as though he grew a couple of inches as he barreled around the corner at top speed and into my arms shouting “Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.” He was beaming, she was beaming and I was on fire.

Dear Ben, It's Your Dad

Dear Ben,

Can you believe July has already arrived? It seems every year that days and months pass by faster and faster. Maybe it has to do with the planet’s rotation also getting faster. Everything at the speed of light makes sense, since we are all pure energy, pure light, but that’s another story for another time.

Soundbytes like Vagina Machine!

“They were all drunk, they won’t remember a thing.”
“But my dress – “
“Oh yes, except the dress thing, right.”

6 Stitches, Blow Up Doll, An Island Oasis and other distractions

It's about ten in the morning and I'm on the Queen of Nanaimo ferry waiting to depart to Galiano Island. We are sitting next to the Kids Zone area where my son, decked out in his Christian Ronaldo soccer outfit from Grandma, is spelling the Kids Zone sign out loud while the other children are watching Wonderpets on the tube. It is a sparkling sunny day, clear skies and warming up very fast. A weekend getaway to an island oasis right now is simply, perfect timing.

In The Name Of My Father

Night vs. Day

It’s two a.m. The computer is off yet there is the low hum from the external drives still running. Flick. Gone. The streets are quiet but another hum still exists outside, little murmurs from the men visiting the brothel beneath our apartment. I wonder if the night feels ignored, especially on such sunny days. All day long we compliment the weather, we work ourselves hard in the sun only to meet the night with tired bones and smiles. I reach out to the night, the place of my second wind. That piece of solitude we all embrace as it is always fleeting. The deep dark night will test your patience and it will cheer you on to keep it company until dawn, if you dare. That is what the night hopes for, so that you may sleep through most of the day and return to enjoy the night that much quicker. Lonely is the night. Good night? Tricky night, good day. Night and day.

Chico Daily : Beats Edition

I am on a creative binge. I came to the screen to transcribe my latest observations and instead I start writing a new one, recording a new mix and writing about some new music. I love some of the new sounds coming through my headphones lately.

Delivered in time for your Monday, one hour of music mixed by thePAsystem. Also, a few of the artists on the mix highlighted below. Please enjoy. Have a great week!

The Cruisers Mix by thePAsystem

Phoenix – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix




I saw them perform on SNL and I was an instant fan. I dug the guitars and the great backbeat on those three songs performed that night. Lisztomania and 1901 from the new album and Too Young from their first album United. Now I’m enjoying the sonic layers via my headphones, giving me the complete Phoenix experience. Sampling some of the back catalogue, which is a bit mellower whereas I think the new album, is definitely more in your face and dance floor strut friendly. Phoenix are The Strokes meets moments of Coconut Records on a dance floor in France. Sounds great.
Beats Most Played – 1901, Lisztomania, Lasso, Armistice

Exile – Radio



I love everything about this album. It was like the first time I heard the Avalanches from Australia. I loved every sample, loop, oddity, disco boogie tendency and relentless beats. Crafty and clever, Radio is a sonic accompaniment to your journey of highs and lows. Sometimes difficult and jarring as it works through its pain, other times real and funny as it swings on the beat man.
Beats Most Played – Frequency Modulation, The Sound is God, The Machine, Love Line

Silversun Pickups - Swoon



I first saw Silversun Pickups on a fifteen second clip during a news at noon music segment one day. The riffs, tempo and the Smashing Pumpkinesque sound with better vocals snatched my attention immediately. Brian Aubert’s vocals sway through the heavy and the lighter sounds on Swoon convincing you of his every breath. Those few seconds of them playing Panic Switch on a stage convinced me that I wanted to see them live when they came to town too.
Beats Most Played – There’s No Secrets This Year, Growing Old is Getting Old, Panic Switch, It’s Nice To Know You Work Alone

K-Os - YES!



KB, I’m picking up everything you are dropping. Every album better, wider, louder and stretching yourself longer, thank you. From the get go K-Os releases his musical passion with an original style that is both honest and in its catchy delivery, Kheaven’s Original Sound. Make you sing, make you clap your hands and dance. Repeat. I live my life through the speakers too.
Beats Most Played – I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman, Burning Bridges, 4 3 2 1, Eye Know Something

The Bug

My son turns two in three days and right now he can spell about twenty words and counting. My favorites from his list have to be: mom and dad, friend, park and GO! Everywhere we go he is spelling whatever he sees. The real estate agents name on a for sale sign, the emergency lever on the bus or if you happen to be on the Q-U-E-E-N O-F A-L-B-E-R-N-I ferry – he’ll spell it all for you. After he knew his alphabet we just started making flashcards with words he already knew and used. Now I introduce new words in the morning and then repeat in the afternoon. By dinnertime he usually can spell three new words from memory without seeing the flashcards. I’m amazed with the retention level of children. Speaking of retaining, potty training was the topic at the playground today. I spoke to one nanny who takes care of ‘Jordan’ and he’s in his fourth week of ‘training’, as she put it. You really have to stay consistent with it and see it through until he graduates to le potty magnificent! I can’t say we’ve been ‘training’ yet but we’ve definitely introduced the idea a few times. So far he’s comfortable with just farting for now but real training shall commence very soon. Potty training, man how life has changed now that I'm a stay at home dad. There’s another word for my flashcards, potty.

So I picked up the Writers Market book to help me turn this writing passion into a career. Lots to do and only so much time. I’m starting to fire up that networking bug and talking with other writers and creatives again. Feels good after not working with anyone since the lay off. I’ve been checking out this website my friend Sammy put me on to called dooce.com. Basically she is a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) who started this blog back when she was a single, successful web designer in Los Angeles who was fired for writing about work at the time. Since then the blog took off and she got married, had child, post partum depression, mental health hospital and became so popular that her husband quit his job to work on it too. Something like that – check out the site. Maybe I’m the SAHD with the blog who supports his family. Dare I say I love the sound of that? Let’s bring you up to speed.

In my past lives I have worked in the real estate, music, financial and film industries but as of my first day back to work in 2009, I was now in the employment insurance industry. It has now been four months without work but four amazing months raising my son. My wife thankfully found some enjoyable work a couple days a week and now our roles have reversed. Now she is back in the company of adults while I embrace my extended time teaching our son, building train sets and developing my writing during his naps. As I continue to write and create a build a career from it, I share my passion for words and writing with my son. I tell him how I dream of publishing a book of daddy’s writings but in the meantime I still look for other writing opportunities for websites, album reviews and creative writing. (My shameless plug for anyone needing my services, like directing you towards this website that I wrote many of the articles for www.bestinsurance.ca - great idea son).

I feel like I’m starting some fires under my own ass today now that I’m not on a ship headed to Alaska. Taking a cruise has never been on my list of things to do but because of family and friends rate there was a chance we were sailing tonight on an Alaskan cruise for seven days. Unfortunately it sold out and we are stuck in gorgeous Vancouver. It’s funny, while we were anxious to find out if we were going we were also having second thoughts about what a cruise represents to us in today’s world. Opulence of such magnitude, everything larger than life, more than you’ll ever need in a time where the needy out number us all. Who knows what damage they cause to our seas and the high levels of waste it creates daily. Although it’s a consumer’s paradise on the ocean, I was definitely looking forward to the writing it would have inspired.

Instead, writing on this sunny patio continues to contain a powerful creative vortex that I am consumed by. Right now the last inches of sunlight are quickly escaping from our sanctuary. My son is busy inspecting the different bugs in the garden and practicing his writing skills with some pavement chalk at the same time. As for the cruise, easy almost come, easy go, no big deal. Except we were dreaming along and thinking we’d be celebrating our sons second birthday in Alaska. Now we have two days to put a birthday party together! S-H-I-T.

A Night of Riff Lust, A Morning of Purpose

Where shall I begin? Let’s start with today and then shift into last night at the concert. It is simply a quintessential premium picture perfect hot and sunny Victoria Day long weekend afternoon in Vancouver. I’m laying in the hammock with book and pen to bring down the flow. I am super energized. I am full of purpose and inspired. I left the house at 8 a.m. and headed off to a forest for the first meeting of the 2009 Young Men’s Adventure Weekend. Every year we produce a weekend wilderness camp that helps create positive mentorship opportunities for young men ages 12-17 years.



So with today’s first meeting and the stories we shared of the past, I am electrified and instantly reminded why we do this community work. It’s part of our purpose to share with the young and in turn help them create avenues and venues among themselves to engage, communicate, release, grow, challenge, have outrageous fun and lead purposeful lives. I could go on and on about how each year the weekend changes people’s lives, it always has a profound effect on my life. A book recently released by author Michael Gurian, The Purpose of Boys, includes a two-page write up about YMAW by its founder Brad Leslie. In the meantime, I am currently calling out all the good friends of mine out there to get involved and those of you with sons to give us a call. This continues to be a true grass roots experience and exists completely on the time and energy contributed by all the men and the generosity of donations. I’m sure I will talk more about it between now and July 10. Check out the website www.ymaw.com.



Now the wilderness story ends and the city tale begins, as I take you back to the night before when were walking across Granville Bridge on our way to the Commodore Ballroom. Most of the construction on the Granville strip is complete and with the widening of the sidewalks against the backdrop of older brick buildings, downtown looks like a western town – then the little man awakes from his nap sporting his Benfica soccer outfit and interrupts this writing flow, joining me for a gentle swing in the hammock to assist with his awakening process.

Hours have now passed since those sweet sunburn moments in the hammock and the afternoon sun was enjoyed to the fullest with a slow walk to Kitsilano beach. It was packed along the seawall with bikes and joggers, strollers and dogs, but everyone was in a great mood enjoying the hottest sunny day in Vancouver this year.

Now I’m at home listening to The Kills album and recalling the scenes in my head from the Commodore. We arrived as The Horrors set was ending, greeted by an ecstatic crowd. Nice rock star entrance. We ventured through the club then picked a spot close to the front, stage left. A very happy fan in front grinned happily when one of the roadies passed her The Horrors set list. As we waited for The Kills to hit the stage I checked out the simple stage set up of two guitars, 2 Fender amps, 1 Vox amp, plus a couple drum machines. Looking around I start to see people staring back at me, so I thought, until my buddy Sam tells me Narduar is behind me. Shortly thereafter one guy shouts out to his buddies in front of us – “You guys! You know who is over there? It's Narduar, man!” Next they all scream out “NARDUAR!!!” and bust by us to have their photos taken together. They were so excited. We left and found a new spot, stage right.

Finally The Kills hit the stage with U.R.A. Fever. Jamie Hince battered his guitar while Alison Mosshart strutted and slithered across the stage, her voice wailing like a possessed grand daughter of Roseanne Cash and Shirley Manson. Alison’s voice was sultry and strong, sometimes filled with piss and vinegar sometimes served with vengeance and pain. She rocked, and the duo filled the Commodore with their riff lust. A fantastic combo of dance beats like Getting Down, Cheap and Cheerful and crowd favorite Alphabet Pony was served up, mixed with the raunchy, bluesy, slow and sexy tracks from the Midnight Boom album.





Watching Alison staring into the abyss, first sitting in front of the speakers then teetering atop one of the monitors possessed by the spirit of the dark and friction filled music, one could only wonder where the music took her. My favorite tracks last night were Hook and Line which ‘blow away’, Last day of Magic and the gorgeous cover of Peggy Lee’s 'Crazy'. It was a great show with two artists still growing and experimenting on stage together, too hip for words. An aural assault of pleasure and pain filled our ears and the dirty groove shuffled our feet. The Kills surprised Vancouver, and we loved it.

This Love Will Never Hide

Some of you thrive on the west coast, some of us on the east
No matter the distance, I still feel your reach
Something we've been stewing, is getting closer for all to eat
I am soaked in blessings and love, I feel no end in sight
Although the struggle continues and we must never give up the fight
The battle for truth marches on and on and on
Cut yourself loose from the ropes and chains that try to string you along
The earth awaits you to tread a new path
Let the sun guide you with the light it will cast
Let the trees feed your lungs and the water wet your lips
Nourish your soul and stay strong to resist
Our numbers are growing, we cannot be stopped
They may try to kill us
But what we have found can never be lost
We stand in front of shadows
We stand first in line
You can always find us
For this love will never hide

BC, Babes, Beautiful

I love this country. More so, I love this province of British Columbia. Although I came here as a child once, those memories from the early 70’s only come through the family photo albums I would look at through the years. It wasn’t until I graduated from high school that I came out here on my own to check it out. Hanging out in Kitsilano with my uncle that summer I knew it was the place to live one day. When we finally did drive across the country nine years ago I was speechless as we drove through the mountains and I knew I had arrived in my new home.

British Columbia is all over my mind this morning. The skies are uncertain today still deciding if they want to shower us with sunshine or rain. After breakfast we cut our train yard building short, as it was time to head to the polling station. It is the BC Election today where the Liberal party is in power. Although I didn’t vote for them I can’t see them being replaced yet. I think in tough times people don’t change because they fear that change, instead of embracing it. We would have to have a prime minister sinister like the former bushman before people would unite for change. In the end I don’t think it’s the peoples fault. Society has made a good busy life for everyone to try to keep up with, most have little time, or understanding to put much effort into what government does, but we should. Some of us do all we can, despite them. Great movements of change will happen outside the confines of government walls.



This past weekend was Mother’s Day and we took ‘mom’ to Van Dusen Gardens on a gorgeous sunny day. We had a great picnic outside the maze and we walked for hours through all the flourishing gardens. It was a real special mothers day too as she was also voted the Greenest Mom in BC!! Can you believe that? There was an online contest with Chum FM and she wrote in and won it all! She deserves it. Ever since we sold our car and started walking and biking everywhere, it has been a steady climb up the shades of green in our house, all spearheaded by the Green mom. From unplugging appliances, using less electricity, using reusable hemp diapers, drying the clothes outside in the summer, planting our vegetables to getting a worm compost (these worms are incredible) she has been constant and diligent in her research for our collective health. It never stops really and we can all find ways to do things differently and I think it is imperative that we do. We are super proud. Congratulations!

Beings IN love

Wow, last night was a great one. Can’t remember the last time we actually went out and socialized like that. Our friends who have worked on cruise ships for almost ten years stopped in Vancouver last night. The fantastic duo is actually getting married soon and will embark on a new life together, on land. A wedding I wish we could attend, nonetheless, we had a fantastic night celebrating their return as guests kept coming through the doors, and the seats around our tables grew each hour. We were entertained by the talented songstress Jenny Galt, who will be performing with her band, Army of Jennys, this Wednesday May 13th at the Backstage Lounge on Granville Island. Be there too! With our front row entourage tonight the joy was abundant, the laughs plenty and smiles were overflowing like our drinks.

It was a great diverse group of friends and colleagues who came out to see our friends “the Cruisers” last night. We had musicians, writers, photographers, filmmakers, a fireman, a cop, a nurse, art dealers, philanthropists, animators and more. It was great to be out again talking to people face to face. Since I’ve been catching up on my time with my son, now I slowly feel a natural shift to up the social ante again. For the first part of this year I realize that my social life centered on my son, parks and online communities. Now it feels like the time spent gathering and building these networks is showing its full effects. For instance last night was all communicated through Facebook and phone calls to organize our party caravan. Even Jenny Galt gave a shout out on stage to her Twitter friends, right up to tweeting Steve Carty on the east coast who was still amused at midnight with our tweets.



The group left the Granville Street corridor and headed to the unpredictable Gastown area to finish up the night. After coming to grips with our lack of clout with any bouncers we found a place with no line-ups but with expensive drinks to make up for it. The group would get smaller as the night grew longer. Plans exchanged and promises set as cabs line up and our last three parties depart.

Today I am at one of my favorite places to be on a sun soaked Saturday morning in Vancouver. Our patio. Soon the Cruisers will come by and I will cook them a final meal before they ship ahoy tonight. Paella is my specialty. Last night we filled up on love and friendship and an ocean of time that had passed between many of us. I am feeling super blessed and giving massive praise for this sweet gift of life. I am filled with words, I am filled with music and somewhere in all of my being I feel the remix coming closer to releasing through the edges of my fingertips. I am bursting with inspiration as I prepare for more constant dedication in creating this constant circle of love.

Lights, Camera, Action!

Yesterday I was Mr. Daddy Daycare. I had a great indoor play day on a rainy filled week. By the afternoon, when child number two was dropped off for a while, the living room looked like Toys R Us had vomited everywhere. The carpet was a minefield of building blocks, train tracks, hotwheels and locomotives, balls, hockey sticks and more balls. We had a blast building miniature cities with roadways and railroads as we all rolled on the ground and really got into playtime together.

In the middle of our hallway hockey night in Canada moment the phone rang as I made an amazing save with my face! As I got double teamed by two laughing midgets wielding hockey sticks in the air I reached for the phone, it’s my agent. My agent, ha-ha, makes me laugh just saying that. My wife and son have an agent, since they are the one’s who actually land auditions. But one day we ran into the agent while shopping and she said that I should send her my photo. So a few months ago being freshly unemployed I said why the hell not. I’ve never been interested in acting but I thought you never know, maybe one day you just happen to look like what they are looking for, give it a shot. The auditions are short and painless and it’s liberating not being attached to the results. So far I’ve auditioned for commercials for the cancer society and a Coors Mexico spot, which actually came down to me and another guy. Hilarious.

So my agent asks if I can go to an audition for today. Well the details alone on this spot inspired a lot of dreaming last night.

Shooting in either Europe or Shanghai, 4-6 shooting days
$500 session fee for 10hrs, overtime at $100 per hr.
All ground and air travel, hotel paid by production.
Buyout range from $4500-$10,000 depending on acting experience.

Jacques
He is in his late 30's. He is Italian or South France type of guy. Dark hair, good looking, elegant appearance and an amazing smile. Maybe even with light eyes. He is the leader of the group and keeps them together. Looking for strong acting. Black suit, white shirt, no tie, elegant.

Brad
He is young fighter and racer in his early 30's, much younger than Jaques. The "American dream“, blond guy who every woman checks out. Maybe short hair, very sporty and very classy. Looking for strong acting. Light suits. Beige or white. White shirt can have a big collar. Cool sunglasses.

Scene
Brad is driving the car while Jacques is the passenger.
They are in a hurry and as and they pass a speed-limit sign ..... ignoring it, of course.
But then..... suddenly the car slows down by itself.
Via a navigation-system it knows where you are and how fast you are allowed to drive.
So Jacques gives Brad a certain kind of look....saying " what´s wrong, why do you slow down - we are in a HURRY !

So looking devilishly handsome this morning, as my wife strategically mentioned massaging my ego nicely, I grabbed the next bus wearing my suit on route to the audition at Shoreline Studios. Jacques was on his way! As I approached the building it was like a scene from the Matrix as Neo-Jacques’ converged from all corners of the street and headed to the front door. Everyone I saw I either said “hello Jacques” or “hello Brad” as I jokingly stayed in character. When I arrived into the holding room there was only one Brad surrounded by a group of dark haired Jacques’ and he looked like the perfect Brad. He had a cool name too – Connor Roach! So I filled out my form quickly and handed it in to the casting assistant. A couple minutes later I’m told I’m next and I will go in with Mr. Roach. This is where my heartbeat rises sharply and fast. Some deep breathing and a quick perusal over the script and we are called into the audition room.

Inside the casting director and videographer sit behind the desk getting ready for us. We slate for the camera stating our names and then giving them our profiles.

“Okay, we’ll do two takes. First one silent and then the second one ad-lib, okay.”

Mr. Roach and myself walk up to the two chairs and hop in like it’s a car. I put on my seat belt while he starts the engine and we are off driving through the hills of some undisclosed European locale, looking fabulously cool of course. Until the car automatically slows down around a corner, this is my cue to raise my eyebrow and give him the WTF? look and I delivered! Our second take is even better as we get to ad-lib and take the scene a bit longer. We get some good hearty laughs from the casting director and that was it. Less than five minutes of acting and we are done. It felt good and its over. Back into the main room where I give a collective “Goodbyes Jacques’, Goodbye Brads.” I decide to walk home in my nice suit dreaming of a $15,000 paycheque.

Oh ya, I forgot to mention, after the agent called for me yesterday she called back an hour later, this time to book my son for an audition the same day! Lights, camera, action!

Burst of Word vs. Back In The Summer of '99

Burst of Word

Dreamlike tendencies taking over me, watching the cascading words pile up and start to suffocate. Reach for the old fashioned and faithful pen to capture or crash this flow. So you need this to be easily repeated just an endless mirror we keep feeding, the written word and its’ merit. From scriptures to Shakespeare, from television to twitter and everything in the middle, storytelling never stops. Sharing never stops because communicating is endless. Nature is always communicating; silently telling the bees the flowers are ready or screaming loudly with tidal waves telling us all, the infinite circle of life and death. These deep breaths of Pacific Ocean cool align my spine and open my eyes with a smile. I can see the shadow storms brewing in the distance just as I can feel the warm winds with the change in tide. But there is nothing like the sunburst soak on a sunny drenched afternoon to let loose the noose around the words you dare not say. Words that only play in your head while others fall to this page.



Back In The Summer of ‘99

Any attempt to cloak the truth, could never work, and could never prove. So the charade signals the game to finally begin. While the afternoons can help blossom the cherry delights, the secrets are revealed by moonlight. The days brink on torturous as the sun and clouds rule and anticipation sits idle in the wings. The mind contributes an ounce more of punishment for your pain. Your cranial projector plays back a lifetime of favorite scenes, reminding yourself to keep loving and living. Meanwhile the banality of the reality projector can freeze you in your time warp leaving you clawing for air and a return to this page. You scream for vengeance to bring back the moments we lost ourselves in, where time was all the seasons rolled into one. Each embrace electrifies dormant embers surrounding the heart. Now is the time to stoke the fire and let those flames grow higher and higher. Gather around and let the heat stroke your skin and lets burn new memories into our minds and hearts. Fire keeper keep it lit through days and nights and let the new air breathe in new life, like we were back in the Summer of ’99.

When She Dances With The Sun

casablanca nights have passed with the southern winds
the new air breathes with a flamenco jump in her step
shuddering deep in the sadness, a tear of joy surfaces to the top
a song is chirping above with the fist of god drumming the beat
it is alive and so blessed as it soars and thrives
each note strikes its chord as our shadows pass in the corridor we unite in the hall with dancing feet
maestro raises his arms
we embrace, we meet, we feel
now we dance
maestro takes us away
where the sun kissed you first with each sunrise and the ocean held you endlessly
take me rushing through our youth then bring me back at once
let this heart flourish in your garden of love and wisdom
clear my intentions to bring about peace
bless these fingers to move you with melody and rhythm
canta, canta
guitarra, guitarra
I’ll trip away with you

I’ve started writing again and it all started with a sun soaked poem. Today it started again with a twitch (twitcher coming soon). No I don’t twit, tweet or dig, nor did I stumbleupon anything delicious on my way through facebook but I promise to stay linked in. Midnight, can’t sleep, won’t sleep. Mstrkrft pumping in my headphones. Fireplace keeps me warm, my loves asleep. Time to write.

Okay so now I have joined Twitter but still unsure of its merit and wonder if our consumerism tendencies are getting the best of the web. How many more social networks will we all abandon for the next one? Does anything have staying power anymore? I’m using Twitter to spread my writing, Chico Sousa, see how that goes. All this writing is causing old writing memories to pop in to my head, like writing on the porch on Foxbar in Toronto until my fingers were cold and numb at four in the morning. Tonight on this porch in Vancouver the night feels as though it is getting warmer. Our garden has been planted with strawberries, tomatoes, herbs and more. The sounds of Friday night are in the air. The music on the streets is louder, the laughter heartier, there is a common release, relief, in the air.

Now it seems that all I do when I get a free moment is pick up this pen and let it rip. When I was younger this is where I would go to get everything off my chest. Empty my head so I can fill up my heart again. Today the sun has vanished for the day now leaving us breaking up clouds around the moon with our minds. The wind passes by my well-traveled sandals and through my toes. Once again simply thankful for this moment to reflect and write. I’m thankful not to be running for my life, fleeing from my country, killing to eat or selling myself to survive. Apparently there is a swine flu epidemic in the works and from our research, it was done on purpose by the same company that will offer the vaccine, Baxter. Some people think this is the end, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse riding to the final sunset.

What a nice long day. The days of Ben waking up early and then crawling into bed with us for forty more winks are gone. Up just after six a.m. this morning there was no falling back to sleep, just a lot of jumping, diving and running on the spot. So Ben and I got up and started the morning. After a great big breakfast of eggs, ham (swine flu but go ahead and have some bacon they say), hash browns and toast we are now soaking up the sun once again.

Once playtime had been established I found some new music and checked out what’s happening on my web pages – Facebook, Twitter, Blogger and phreeagent.com. I received some great responses to my latest Observation and had fifteen new people join the ChicoDaily group on Facebook. So as mentioned, I joined Twitter as Chico Sousa – the unknown poet of love and labour. I’ll be using Twitter to stay connected with liked minded folk and to spread my words in hopes that someone who knows someone who knows someone else falls in love with these oral paintings.

Meanwhile the focus at home is the future plans. Where to live, what else do we need, emergency preparedness, all the stuff most don’t want to talk about but we do daily. I have mixed feelings about the current state of the world. Things I’ve been talking and writing about for a while, about the corrupt powers that exist within corporations, governments and worldwide governing organizations. This whole swine flu is taken right out of their game book and we are the visiting team without a quarterback. All I can do is create the best world around my family, friends and community and let those vibrations ripple across the water. Once again very thankful.

Waking The Giant Within

Today’s observation is coming to you live from the House of Love in Vancouver. Not the 16th or 19th floor of the ivory tower or the sunny side of Granville Island, nor the shady lanes of Gastown. This time I am just off the Broadway lights and nestled in with the glow of the avenue.

It has been exactly three months since I was laid off at Ace Film. It has also been over three months since I’ve written anything. The responsibility of the situation has slowly rendered myself creatively dead. Regardless of the media’s gloom and doom outlook I remain optimistic and positive…most days. For sure this great attitude attracted a fantastic opportunity straight out of the gate for a Client Services Manager position with an up and coming media company. After weeding down the applicants from a 100, I made the top 20 then the top 4, but it was all too quick to be true. Not a single other interview anywhere since then. With each new career posting comes another list of freshly unemployed faces. Yet, there are many who are still making money. Some significantly less and some how others still making even more. “It’s a new economy now,” my good friend tells me, “the days of giving out jobs is gone, now you must create it.” The freelancer now rules, so I continue to dream.

Surrounded by the self-employment bug since I was a child, the light of independence stays lit within me. I still scour the listings, research the companies hiring and proceed to convince them of my value through a cover letter. Administrative roles, management, production, writing, and project management – my diversity while it is the soul’s blessing it is but a curse in this circle and square peg search. The sound of a binner pushing his treasure trove full shopping cart down the avenue reminds me how close we all are to that reality. The bottles and cans we would always leave for them in the past we now collect and return for milk money. Even the brothel downstairs from us seems oddly quite lately. No late night horny drunk drive by’s, no cock chatter over cigarettes at night.

More than any other time, these past few months have been like surfing big waves. A recurring swell continues to pass through this space and I continue to ride each wave through it instead of attempting to swim against it. Sometimes the road less traveled is simply taken by not veering from the road you are already on. Time is not left to continue to second-guess it all.

The last 48 hours has turned this writers dry spell into a deep well. A voice that spoke so loudly when employed had lain dormant for months. A new voice rose to the forefront one whose time was truly ready, the voice of fatherhood. When Ben was born almost two years ago, I was back to work the very next day producing a television commercial. Those first few days and weeks I admit were uncomfortable. It felt as though I gave birth and then the child was taken away from me. With time those feelings dissipated and the joy grew each day as I was greeted at home with open arms. But as the months passed and the first year did as well, I realized how much I was still missing. That whole 9-5 time was gone and I felt like the divorced parent with custody on weekends. The joy of my work held these facts and feelings at bay. One day I would be securing a deposit for a new project or running in front of the camera for a new spot, the next day I would be recording music for it as well. I was finally in my element, in a place that could accommodate my skills and passions. But each night upon my return home my skills and passion for fatherhood and husbandry would take over. Communication was so evident early on with his sign language, confirming his understanding of things. We continue to strive to be the key educators in his early life. The last three months has been a blessing for this as I feel we have really connected and grown together. Who wants to be away from this?

So with this integral bonding phase in full gear and the return of the observer’s pen, I can only feel the presence of something new on the horizon, a reawakening of sleeping trees to breathe new life into this grand love story.

Power of Intention

My fellow writer in the great lay off of 2009 emailed me today and she mentioned Dr. Wayne Dyer and the power of intention, a power that I know so well. A power that I know is currently not working at maximum capacity. A simple definition for intention is: “to have in mind a purpose or plan, to direct the mind, to aim.” Without that intention we simply stumble around without any real direction or meaning.

Today ends the second week of unemployment. We continue to stay positive scouring through every website with job listings as we read the latest headlines about record-breaking unemployment levels everywhere. This morning the stories continue south of the border with “Tough choices for America’s hungry” and here at home “McGuinty warns of multi-year deficits for Ontario.” Somehow we manage to laugh it off and continue to move forward, one more call, one more resume, one more website. Networking. We are great communicators and intelligent hard workers, we will attract something soon…er or later. Which brings me to the power of intention.



I recall moments with intentions so straightforward, highly visual and believable, that they of course came to light. From meeting my soul mate to starting my own business, having that unwavering intention has lead me to great experiences. While attending university, I knew without a doubt that I was destined to work for a record company. I remember it all so vividly because one way or another, I was helping create it all.

I started out with the only independent record company in London, Auto Records, owned at the time by composer Peter Brennan. The first band I brought back to the label was called Grandeur of Ghosts, lead by the very talented Shawn Creamer. Those were amazing times where I started to listen to even more and more music than I could get my hands on to. This was when I really got hooked on music, now I was directly connected to those who were being inspired to write and perform. I had found my true place. It felt right. Grandeur of Ghosts, Buckshot Enema, Finnegan’s Treehouse, Elevator Bugs, these were just a few of the local bands inspiring me to continue after the dream.

This is where pure intention comes into the picture. I had already spent much of my youth imagining myself working at a major record label. I imagined talking to dj’s about certain albums that they just had to play. I imagined myself night after night out in downtown Toronto walking past long line-ups and heading into to see the hottest new bands. I imagined all my job interviews happening with Warner, A&M, Motown and then having to sit back and choose which company to join. (ha! There was never a bidding war for my services!) Resume after resume went out the door to everyone in the industry. Eventually they would all hear about me and someone would see the potential. That day did eventually happen and the rest is history.

Today I find myself in a different position. Now that pure intention, that vision, is not as clear and naïve as it was fifteen years ago. Now it is simply a vision to take care of my family and get a pay cheque rolling in again. That is the immediate and my mind has yet to imagine something grander. How can it, in these uncertain times? It is almost like I can’t waste time dreaming right now and I just need to take care of business. If you know me at all you understand the challenge but you also know I shall always overcome. I have not given up on the power of intention. I’m intent on becoming employed and from there, eventually rediscovering the road less traveled.

In the Toronto Star the other day was a great article about The Dakota Tavern. Shawn Creamer is now the co-owner of the club and is also in the band The Beauties who play every Sunday. Way to go!! Reading about the Dakota brought back all these memories of that career searching time after graduation. Of course things are very much different today as we sort out this new direction amidst the paradigm shift, a shift I welcome with open arms.

http://www.thestar.com/Entertainment/article/580263

Substance of time

January 5, 2009 Monday

A few days into the New Year and my first moment to just sit and write, take it all in. After a brief discussion in the kitchen we both agreed to take Ben’s current nap time and just write. Solace within. Sometimes these are great moments to assist the creative flow. The many wells of inspiration found all around us like family, to share in the love and help create. I remember my brother mentioning it one night after….

It all started on December 20th as our plane set to depart to Toronto; we sat patiently on the tarmac for three hours, eventually lifting off with the last passengers to fly out of Vancouver airport that day before it shut down due to the weather. We then missed our connector flight in Toronto then finding another flight and finally landing in London with no luggage. Despite the weather and the outdated airline customer service, we arrived alive in 2009.

As I stop to think for a bit, I know he’ll be up sooner with each passing moment as I laugh while writing at a feverish pace. The family Christmas caravan this year was a momentous one full of love, loss, laughter, tears and joy. We watched them all play and we played along with them all. We remembered and rejoiced, forgave and wept. We engaged with the youngest at three months, Eli, with a wonderful adventure to Toronto Island with the Cartys, then with the eldest Armando & Bemvida Sousa at ninety plus years of life. We had the blessings to spend time with so many in a quick twelve days. Over fifty people that you love but only so much time to spend with them all and still not see everyone. The joy was within the company but for the most part most visits only scratched the surface of engagement and one can only draw upon childhood memories from the luxury of our past to make up the rest. Memories where families visited sometimes for four to five hours, a day full of running, games, time wasters, naps, great meals, cards, time outs, misbehaving and shoes across your ass.

The substance of time. Although there is a deep loving connection with each family visit, the time is far too brief to allow all that one may yearn to share and discuss. My greatest moments were simply as a joyful observer watching my son engage in play with all of his relatives. Chasing back and forth with Vanessa, playing basketball with Philip, rocking out to guitar hero with Jordan, premium hanging out time with Lydia and going up and down, up and down the staircases. He mastered ping-pong by placing the ball at the edge of the table and then smashing it with his paddle as if he was playing tee ball. He petted big dogs and fed them treats, he shied away from dogs his size, and he intimidated and taunted the smallest as he puffed out his chest with a smile. And everywhere there was choo-choo, choo-choo. Everywhere. Thanks Uncle Rick!



So many unique and wonderful memories this year and unfortunately far too many missed still. Today is the last day of hearing choo-choo, choo-choo all the time except for the couple hours I will see him as I return back from work each night. This is where my fingers stop for many minutes. Waiting to write the next words, the next thoughts. What will the next year bring? How can I spend more time with my son and my love? Is this the year to the valley? To the hills? Write that bestseller, grow our own food and watch him grow like a tree in the woods.

January 6, 2009 Tuesday

It’s my first day back to work and things are quiet. The snow covered city is now a veil of mist and rain as the snow begins to retreat down the streets and into the rivers. The phones are silent and even the emails bare no life today. Still, when I was called into his office at 4:30 this afternoon it still felt unexpected. Yes, today I have joined the thousands who have been laid off as a result of the sweeping decline in our economy. Happy New Year!



It looks like Ace Film just made it to its 20th anniversary and will eventually close down on that note. I am full of mixed emotions that for the most part, have left me feeling numb and saddened. Those feelings will subside and will move towards an excited and inspired motivation to find a new opportunity to be of service, grow and provide for my family. The continuing efforts to stay in touch with so many people I can only hope will now help me on this journey. Ace has been good to us and I am thankful for the opportunities that were made available over the years. It is now time to create that picture of what we really want in our thoughts and bring that powerful vision to life.